There are many things that shape a person. Pivital people and events help mold us into the person that we find ourselves today. Some of these things that have happened in my life, at times, I wish I could change. There is a realization that comes with my choices. It tells me that I would not be at this current point in my walk with God, or about to embark on a physical and spiritual journey of a lifetime, if it hadn’t been for the previous decisions I made.
Some of you may be wondering, “What choices Lindsay? Where did you go wrong? What happened?” There are many things that I am ashamed of from my past. When I first moved out to LA I began questioning my belief system. My faith had no solid foundation. It had been built upon the sand and not upon the rock. I found myself smoking pot (something I swore I would never do). There were financial situations that arose in my life that made me think I had no where else to turn. Satan had convinced me it would be a good idea to forge my brother’s signature for a student loan. I damaged a very special relationship with my brother.
I do not share these things with you, so that you feel sorry for me or even to have you judge me, but to show you of God’s redeeming and atoning love. I was lost in darkness and he brought me back into the light. I believe these choices I made brought me to an ultimate low. I had no where else to go, and no one else to turn to except God. My faith that I knew as a child had finally became child-like and became an adoring love and faith of wonder.
As bad as the choices that I made were, I would not change them. They allowed me to find God. Not the God I knew as a child in Sunday school, but a real, true, loving God. The valley that I fell in brought me to a mountain top of God’s glory. (Before I was just having a picnic on a grassy hill.)
My relationship with my brother is on the mend. I had hurt him greatly. He is a man of God and I saw that as he showed me what it is to truly forgive. I strive to be a woman of God like that. Like Christ. Showing forgiveness. For God was first to show forgiveness to me.
“I know, Lord, that our lives are not our own. We are not able to plan our own course. So correct me, Lord, but please be gentle. Do not correct me in anger, for I would die.”
-Jeremiah 10:23-24
