FINDING MYSELF

I spent the last week in a car. Literally. I have driven from California to Colorado, from Colorado to St. Louis, from St.Louis to Memphis and from Memphis to St. Louis. I have this day of rest and then the travel begins as take Monday to visit with supporters in my hometown and then drive further up north to Lincoln, IL to visit more friends and more supporters. All my days are filled. They are filled with good things, but some times those “good things” take me away from the “greatest thing”: my time with God. This past week has been amazing, and devestating. God is peeling back the layers that I have put on and some of them hurt because I haven’t completely died to that part of myself yet. I have been praying like Lisa challenged us girls to do at training camp. She warned us about this prayer and what it would do to us. I even remember her saying, “Be sure you are ready to pray this cause God will show you things.” She challenged us to stand naked before God and ask him to reveal the things in our lives that are keeping us from complete intimacy with Him. (My wording may not be right on this, but this is how I remember it.) Honestly, I wasn’t threatened by that statement. I figured that I grew up with two older brothers, I am a lot tougher then people think. I am also more stupid then I care to admit.

 

God has been showing me things. On my “living in my car” week, I began to pray this. Not only for me, but for my team and for my squad. God started with me first and foremost. I can be of no service to Him, the squad, or my team if I don’t face what is going on in my heart. This week I have learned that I will be giving up alot during this trip. God is asking me to take a backseat. Don’t take this the wrong way. I will not be sitting on the sides lines watching my team to all the “work”. My hands will get dirty, but not in the capacity that I am use to. I am always the first to volunteer, the first to offer my opinion, the first to do manual labor, and many other things. This year I have been challanged not to see immediate results or offer my immediate services. There are other people on my team and squad that God has given the same capabilites and gifts to. In many instances He is going to call on them to be of service before me. It is not that He isn’t going to use the gifts that He has given me, it is just that I need to appreciate and understand that I am not the only one who can do the job. God can use whomever He chooses. In this trip He has choosen me, but he is also asking me be humble. He is asking me (being the glory seeker that I am) to make sure that all glory is given to Him. That these gifts, I wouldn’t have if it wasn’t for him. I am being asked to take a backseat to myself.

 

One of the gifts that I received at camp, or I became aware of, was the gift of prophesy. I have never experienced this before or ever been prophesied over. On our bus ride to the airport Marisa and some of us were praying over Dan. It was his 21st birthday and he was asking God for wisdom. We were praying for him to receive it. Marisa looked at me and said, “You have a word for Dan.” Immediately I started to pray. She said, “No. you have a prophetic word for Dan.” What? Not me. That isn’t something that I do. She told me to take time and ask the Lord what he wanted me to share with Dan. As I did I couldn’t believe what I was saying. I actually thought I had offended Dan. Turns out it was just the opposite. I spoke right into his life. Craziness! What? You are kidding me. Marisa then told me that I better get use to it cause God is going to be doing that a lot through me over this next year.

 

Again, what?

 

I cried about it. I also bragged about it. I called my parents and told them, but it didn’t come out of a place of giving Glory to God. It became an ‘oh my goodness can you believe what I did’. Even as I told my friends it became an elaberate story of the “powers” I had been given. Man, that devil wasted no time with the attention seeking, glory stealing daughter of the King. Training camp and just ended and immediately it was all about me again.

 

Backseat.

 

This morning I was reading in Luke and in Chapter 10 v 17-20 says
“The seventy-two returned with joy and said, “Lord, even the demons submit to us in your name.”

He replied, “I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven. I have given you authority to trample on the snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you. However, do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but REJOICE THAT YOUR NAMES ARE WRITTEN IN HEAVEN.”

Ouch. Backseat. Layer number 1 is a little sunburnt and hurts to be touched let alone pulled back. But that skin is dying and a new skin is being formed. The Word of our God is disciplining me. Praise be to God. He knows I need a good slap in the face. Maybe it will knock the layer off and not hurt so bad.

 

I like sitting in the backseat. It gives me a different perspective. My attitude is different and I like the way I look back here. I am reminded that I am not the source. God is. That at any given moment I can be completely useless, but with God I have a purpose. I am completely useful.