I have been delaying writing my support letter.
A part of me is hoping that God will change his mind and tell me he made a mistake, and that I am not suppose to go on the World Race. This would make my life easier, not better, but easier. Satan’s attacks are unusually strong these days. He is using the fact that, for the first time in 26 years, I will not be at home for Christmas. My prayer life and devotional life have suffered because of it.
I had been praying for brokenness. I wanted God to break me, mold me, and use me for the benefit of his kingdom. I still do. However, when God responds by breaking me down I question why I am going through this, and begin to rely on myself for answers instead of turning to the cross. I pray for strength, and wonder why I feel weak. I pray that he will let me see others through his eyes, and thenpass a homeless person on the street, without even looking in their eyes. He is giving me all that I ask of Him, but for some reason I refuse to accept the gift.
The Lord, like myself, is hopeless romantic. He will not quit until he captures the heart of the ones he loves. He is a persistent God. And he requires the same of us. He wants us to seek him with all of our hearts.
I finished my support letter and sent it off today for approval. He has used many people the past few days to ensure me that The World Race IS the direction in which he is leading me, and that he would not bring me this far if it wasn’t what I was suppose to be doing.
Praise God for clarity!
