As most of you know, this month is not one where I am able to share many specifics. Sooo I thought I’d take some time to let you know how God has been working in me personally.
One of the most appealing things to me when I applied for the race was the opportunity to “spread the Love” to the nations… A chance to play with orphans, teach English and Bible lessons, love on those that might never have experienced true Love before. A chance to reach out to the “unlovable” people, so to speak – the sick, the elderly, the unclean. And of course, a chance to see the world. We’ve been able to do all that and much more, but I’m beginning to realize that those things are just the beginning – just the surface – of what the Race is actually about. I’m starting to realize maybe… just a little bit… subconsciously…at the beginning… I thought it would also be a chance to escape my own struggles.
HA!! WRONG. I was sorely mistaken… but in a good way.
One thing I’ve always struggled with is patience. I’ve always been on the edge of my seat about “the next chapter” of my life. As soon as one chapter begins, I’m already anxious to know what’s going to happen 100 pages from now. Where will I live after college is over? Who will I marry? How many kids will I have? And now…What the heck am I going to do after the Race? These are typical run-of-the-mill questions, I’m sure of that. I’m a girl, for crying out loud! The problem is, I never waited on God’s plan – I always tried to make it happen myself. I always tried to figure it out before I was supposed to. That is where I got myself into some serious hardship… Looking back I can see I wanted all those things so badly that I would rush the answers – in turn making some bad judgement calls. I could only see my idea of the perfect end result, completely blind to what was actally happening. I would pray and pray for an “answer” but felt like I wasn’t receiving any. Over the past few weeks that old feeling has started to creep up on me again, even thousands of miles away from home… and it just hit me… God’s going to keep bringing this up until I learn to completely trust Him with it. Either I give it all to Him, or live one long, tiresome, anxious life. And really, that’s no way to live! I also have been thinking that God doesn’t answer prayers in just Yes or No… all those times I thought I wasn’t hearing anything, I think I just didn’t want to accept that the answer was wait.
All this going through my mind the last couple of days, and so Monday I turned to Sage’s daily devotional (that was Feb 22) and it was all too fitting for me not to share it with you:
PATIENCE
“Have you prayed and prayed and waited and waited, and still there is no manifestation? Are you tired of seeing nothing move? Are you just at the point of giving it all up? Perhaps you have not waited in the right way? This would take you out of the right place – the place where He can meet you.
“With patience wait” (Romans 8:25). Patience takes away worry. He said He would come, and His promise is equal to His presence. Patience takes away from your weeping. Why feel sad and despondent? He knows your need better than you do, and His purpose in waiting is to bring more glory out of it all. Patience takes away self-works. The work He desires is that you “believe” (John 6:29), and when you believe, you may then know that all is well. Patience takes away all want. Your desire for the thing you wish is perhaps stronger than your desire for the will of God to be fulfilled in its arrival.
Patience takes away all weakening. Instead of having the delaying time, a time of letting go, know that God is getting a larger supply ready and must get you ready too. Patience takes away all wobbling. “Make me stand upon my standing” (Daniel 8:18, margin). God’s foundations are steady; and when His patience is within, we are steady while we wait. Patience gives worship. A praiseful patience sometimes “longsuffering with joyfulness” (Col. 1:11) is the best part of it all. “Let [all these phases of] patience have her perfect work” (James 1:4), while you wait, and you will find great enrichment.”
So yeah. So much for thinking that God wasn’t telling me anything – I’d say that’s pretty clear! So here’s to turning over a new leaf to trust and patience. No longer worrying about the future, but focusing on the here and now, and everything I’m learning and experiencing. I know there will be days when it’s not easy, but at least now I can rest on the fact that He’s got it. Not withholding anything from me, but just keeping it for a while until it’s the perfect time.
And that, my friends, is more comforting then anything I could ever come up with 🙂
When inner lessons come to learn,
