When your heart is broken and completely full in the same moment, there isn’t much to do except cry.
Up until this point I don’t think I knew how invested in these women my heart has been. We spent most week days with them in the kitchen; peeling potatoes and carrots, cutting onions, or whatever else needed to be done to prepare for meals. For an hour in the morning we had our “class”, which is really like a bible study we led. We covered topics of forgiveness, love, identity in Christ, the power of our stories and the amazing grace of God. It was evident from the beginning that the Holy Spirit was guiding our conversations. We never got through our planned lessons, but that was because the women were so open in sharing their struggles and asking questions. The Lord spoke through each of us women, on our team, in order to speak into their lives. Some afternoons were spent doing Zumba and salsa dancing. And on Fridays we had the chance to leave the foundation with the women and explore the city. Those were a great couple of hours to let loose and laugh at ourselves before getting back into routine. It was all just normal every day stuff.
Our ministry was living life with these women. It wasn’t glamorous. There were difficult times, as two women left the program, and there were great times, laughing and chatting while in a cable car overlooking the city. But, it all came together Wednesday morning. Our last class with the women.
The four of us girls prayed for what the Lord wanted us to share that morning, but none of us new what that was going to be. Carlyn felt as though it should be a time to just be present with the girls, pray with them, and see where it goes from there. We all loved the idea of spending time in prayer and worshiping our Father. So that’s what we did. It was beautiful. The three women, left in the program, and two leaders prayed in Spanish while the four of us prayed in English. We didn’t need to completely understand each other because we had the Spirit to bridge that gap. Using just a phone we played a few worship songs in Spanish. Some the girls sang along to, and others they just listened. As I looked around I could see the Holy Spirit relating to each of us in a personal way.
The music stopped and I opened the floor to the three women. I gave them the chance to express whatever was on their hearts. I didn’t know what I got myself into. They each began to share what the past month has meant to them, and the impact we had. One of the girls, only 19, told us that she has always had a cold heart. We knew this was true; she doesn’t have a family and was never raised with love. She said she never thought her heart would feel, but we warmed it. She said we gave her a smile she didn’t know she had. She said we have taken up a place in her heart, and when we leave there will be a big hole.
Cue the tears.
My heart was so full because I realized the extent of what God had been doing this month. I felt as though we were going through normal, every day things but God was working beyond it all. I could see the change that He was bringing about, and that this month was one all of us would be looking back to in the years to come.
My heart also broke in that moment. The connections that we made with these women is only explained through the Holy Spirit, and we are about to leave them. I had poured so much into them, I have seen the change, and now I have to leave and trust the Lord will continue in their lives.
This month has been more than I could ask for. God has shown up in so many ways. I am sad to be leaving tomorrow evening; goodbyes are going to be incredibly difficult. But I am so thankful for my team, for the way we’ve remained in prayer and kept this month and this transition time focused around God.
