I didn’t plan on having expectations going into this first month. At home I can honestly say I had none, and that I was trusting God with whatever it was he had for me and my team. Then the journey began at launch. There was treasurer training and session after session preparing two hundred or so of us for the next 11 months. They did an amazing job in just 4 days, and one thing that stuck out to me was having boldness in the Holy Spirit.
I had never seen miraculous healing in front of my eyes or gave much thought to God being able to work in the supernatural. It was one side to God that I had yet to discover, and a desire for it was building in me. There was even a night I talked with my team about the desire to see God move in some crazy ways and we all seemed to be in a similar place. We were ready. We were ready to be bold, to allow God to use us, and to see him move miraculously.
Without even knowing it I had created an expectation. I knew my team and I were going to see first hand what God could do beyond the natural. In my mind, that was what Colombia was going to be all about.
The squad arrived to my teams ministry site and from there eventually made their way to the cities they would be serving in for the month. For the first couple of days things moved extremely slow, which was necessary to rest and recover from traveling. I had been so ready to get started, to pour out on so many, and to see God work that those first couple of days of rest seemed to drag on. I knew rest was important, and yet I began feeling that we were wasting precious time for ministry. That’s when my sore throat from our travel day came to light. My nose got clogged and somehow drained more mucus then I knew existed at the same time. My exhaustion continued accompanied by occasional cough attacks and headaches. This continued well into the first week, and took me out of the first few big days of ministry. I was frustrated. How could I get sick right off bat? There was ministry for me to do, and miracles I needed to experience.
Even as ministry began and my team and I got into the swing of things that first week, I was feeling unsatisfied. It wasn’t what I had expected or wanted it to be. I began hearing about crazy things God was doing with other teams, and instead of praising God I was feeling jealous. With one thing after another my expectation of seeing God work miraculously was being torn down.
That is when God began revealing to me the why and what for, exactly one week after we arrived. I came in to Colombia ready to do; to make things happen and see results. My prayer was for God to use me. God’s response to that was wait, as I feel it has been so often recently. God has been showing me how to look beyond myself. I was so focused on what I would be doing and what I would be seeing, and not focused enough on Christ himself.
So while I have yet to experience miraculous healing, God has shown himself to me in so many other ways. I see him in our mini bible study with the women in the program, guiding our conversation. I see him bringing back innocence and joy into the eyes of children that are living in hopeless situations. I see him walking with us through crowds of homeless drug addicts, gazing on them with love; not afraid to look them in the eyes, bend down to the ground and put a loving hand on their shoulder. I see him in our shabby home on our nights off that are filled with unified community, prayer, worship, and laughter.
God doesn’t work in the way we expect him to, because he has so much more for us. Last night we had a pastor from New York preach. He was animated, filled with the Spirit, and unafraid to pray boldly and praise God the way he deserves to be praised. It was the first time I felt completely confident as a daughter of Christ. To pray and lay hands on women I didn’t know, to pray out loud without being concerned with how it sounded, and to praise my father in clapping and movements because I didn’t understand the words being sung.
God has shown up in so many ways and I have been blown away by him. Don’t let expectation ruin what God is doing directly in front of you. Don’t let fear or uncertainty stop you from grabbing hold and leaning into your identity in Christ. He has an amazing plan that may not look the way you would like it to. But dig deeper, you will find him in every situation. And when you do, don’t be afraid to praise him with all you have for the gracious and loving God that he is.
