School is hard. This is the easiest semester I’ve had as far as my classes and the workload, but I’m having so much trouble making myself get it done. Because,
A-It’s my last semester and I’m just ready to be done. Plus at CIU, your grades in your last semester don’t count towards your GPA(so as long as I don’t get an F, I can still graduate; I could literally get a D- in every class and be fine) so it’s hard when I don’t feel like doing my work and I’m able to honestly tell myself, “Oh, this is only 3.3% of my grade, as long as I do good work on all my big assignments I don’t even NEED to do this.”
B-I’m terrible about living in the next moment. Whatever’s going on now, I’m always more excited(or more worried) about what’s coming next. So right now, all I want to think about is going around the world, and what I need to do to get there.
So, partly because my brain graduated and checked out two years ago, and partly because I want too badly to leave the country, I have no motivation as far as school is concerned.
I don’t even have much motivation to do World Race related things either though(if you couldn’t tell by the fact that I haven’t posted anything here in almost two weeks), and that’s bothered me more than school has.
But the other day, God reminded me where my heart is supposed to be.
I was lying in bed Tuesday morning, thinking about how much I didn’t feel like going to class, how I wished I had time to think about the World Race instead. I told God, “How am I supposed to focus on school when I’ve gotten zero donations? I need to be working on fundraising! What if I have to go in September just because I was too busy with school??”
And he literally said to me, “Calm down and study for your midterms.”
I’m not sure why I’m always surprised when he answers me, since that’s what friends usually do when you ask them a question, but I was. I shook it off and said, “Do you KNOW how much money I need to come up with?”
As always when I start asking stupid questions like that, he stopped talking to me in words and started giving me feelings instead.
I realized, there’s time. I mean, there’s literally time(I have six months until my first deadline, I really don’t need to be freaking out half this much yet), but even if I was six weeks away, it’d still be okay. God has a plan. That plan includes finishing school well, and getting me out on the Race. He’s going to do both. Right now I have no idea how, but that just means I get to be more surprised, and God knows I like surprises a lot.
Please be in prayer for me as I tackle my last eight weeks of college! I have two midterms and a paper and a lot of reading this week, plus I need to be getting back into shape now that my ankle is better and I’m able to run in our meet this Friday. There’s a lot on my plate, so pray that I’ll keep my focus and get everything done.
Also, if you want to help ease some of my anxiety, click the “Support Me” tab on the left! =)
