Kisses from Katie is one of my favorite books. Month 1 in Bolivia, I read it for the fifth time, getting all excited to be just a little bit like her, and I couldn’t wait to be in Africa eight months later and be just like her.
Now that I’m here, I’m rereading her book and seeing that I’m actually nothing like her.
I wish I rejoiced every time a dirty child grabs my hands or jumps into my lap.
I wish I could laugh at the amount of ants and bugs in our hut.
I wish I could say that I’d never want to be anywhere else.
I don’t hate Africa by any means, and my heart does break for these people, and I do see God everywhere here…but that’s where me and Katie’s similarities end.
Last night as I was crying in my bed for yet another night, I inwardly screamed at God, “I hate that the kids exhaust me instead of being the reason I love my life. I hate that I can’t sleep because I’m terrified of bugs. I hate that I’m looking forward to the end of this month. I’m trying SO hard to love it, I don’t WANT to be a selfish diva. WHY CAN’T I BE KATIE DAVIS?”
“Because you’re Linda Swier.”
I rolled my eyes and waited for him to give me a serious answer(God is often sarcastic with me when I’m being a brat, so I assumed he was kidding). But he didn’t continue, and then I realized what he meant.
The way Katie Davis feels in Uganda surrounded by street children is the way I feel in America surrounded by teenage girls. And in my element, Katie would likely feel the way I do in hers.
While I DO need an attitude adjustment, and I AM exactly where God wants me to be right now, I also don’t need to feel bad that I wasn’t made to live in Africa.
I do need to love the kids a little harder, but I don’t need to feel guilty that they aren’t my life’s calling.
God put Katie Davis on earth to move to Uganda and adopt 13 kids and change a whole city and write a book about it for me to read.
And he put me on earth to…do something he hasn’t told me yet. I’m still begging him every day for clarity on that one.
For now, he’s put me in Swaziland for 10 more days, and I’m going to keep waking up and doing whatever he asks me that day.
