At the beginning of this month, when we heard our ministry schedule, I thought this would be the most restful month we’ve ever had.
In ways, I was right.
At first it was great. I’d sleep in, then eat my breakfast while I hung out with Jesus(I’ve done better with my quiet times this month than any other yet. Instead of reaching for my snooze button in the morning, I reach for my Bible. If you have any idea how much my sleep means to me, you know this is serious growth). We’d have one English class in the morning and two in the late afternoon. A super laid back month, where I get to pour into the same people every single day. Paradise.
Then I got typhoid. I did nothing but rest for several days. I got bored and I missed my students and I had WAY too much time to think about home and the future. I was too weak to sit up and read, or even to hold onto my tablet to watch mindless YouTube videos, so I would just lie there scratching my antibiotic-induced hives and dreaming up possible scenarios for my post-Race life.
This week has been the best yet. I’ve loved my students from day one, but now that we all know each other more we’ve had the BEST time hanging out every day. Even when I was sick, I eventually started making myself get up to teach my class, because no matter how I feel physically, my heart can’t feel anything but pure joy when I’m with them.
But as soon as I’m not with them, I mean the second my feet start climbing the stairs to our room, my mind takes off running to three months from now. Not because I’m wishing away the time I have left here, but because I don’t know the details of what’s next.
When I see a movie in the theater, I pay attention far more easily if I know what time it’s supposed to end. Not because I necessarily want the movie to end…I just want to know WHEN it will end. Once I know, I’m totally focused on the story playing out in front of me.
So it is with the World Race. I don’t know exactly when it’s ending, so my brain is madly spinning its gears trying to guess.
This month has confirmed that I have no earthly idea how to handle free time when I have an abundance of it. I do so much better when I have an overflowing schedule. This is why at home, I’m always over-committed, always stressed, and never asleep.
As I’ve mentioned before, standing still is hard.
But God has also been showing me that the beginning of my post-Race season will include a lot of stillness.
In my ideal world, I’d get off the plane in May and hit the ground running just to keep myself from being idle for months. I don’t know how it’s actually going to work yet, but I do know that it will include a lot of rest.
Whether it’s restless or restful will be up to me.
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I think it’s funny that I’m finishing this post about restlessness at 3:30am, after four hours of tossing and turning and watching more Boy Meets World and thinking about team changes and Africa and jet lag.
