Walking a long time seems like nothing when you get a flashback. Especially when it comes in bits and pieces. The walk becomes consumed with your thoughts and you are no longer thinking about how hungry you are or how sore you legs have become. You are only thinking about this flashback.
As you likely know, I am back in Nepal and that includes going to a lot of the same ministry spots. One of which includes a Christian Drug Rehabilitation Center.
I don’t know if you read an older blog titled: “My story ~ My Vision” but in that blog, I touched on what this Rehab Center brought up for me. But I will tell you below anyways…
The flashback: 17 year old me, walking to a rehab center in the middle of Nepal. Palms sweaty, heart racing, nervous. Nervous to see someone who reminded her of her father, nervous that the eyes of a recovering addict would call out to the deepest parts of her, nervous because she held resentment towards people who abused drugs and alcohol, nervous because she knew she would feel conviction for the very thing she resented. Holding unforgiving was the root of her anxiety. She held unforgiveness towards her dad, her extended family, and herself. She could only expect that she would be struggling emotionally at the sight of the center.
Stepping in to the square, the emotions are pushing at her until she is on the brink. Reading quotes littered on the wall only made it more real: “just because it was a bad day doesn’t make it a bad year,” “one day at a time,” and “this shall too pass.” Anger, sadness, conviction, they all arise like one unified ball of emotion and begin their rise to the surface.
The founder was sharing parts of his testimony and telling what their job was, but she didn’t hear a single word. She was consumed by her self-pity. She was too self-consumed.
Once they left, she cried. The words on the wall mocked her.
Anger and sadness: that her dad would not take the same steps towards sobriety. Anger and sadness: that she allowed herself to dabble in the same sin. Anger: that she had to sit here.
Now, a year later: In-between the phases of the flashback I was praying or humming worship. I wasn’t sure what God wanted me to take away from going to a rehab center. I asked the Lord to make it clear to me, I asked that if it was the exact same center as last year, I would share my testimony. I was nervous. I believed that I may have found healing but it was never put to the flame. I was never in a situation to truly tell whether or not I have moved on and grown more mature. The Lord told me “I’m not sending here to punish you. This is your second chance. Redemption. You have been set free and healed. You have forgiven your father and you have stepped away from that lifestyle. Now it your chance to encourage my people, encourage your brothers!” So I walked in obedience and I found redemption in rehab…
We walked into the center. I am greeted by two fat bulldogs. My heart sank. It was the same exact rehab center. I knew what the Lord wanted me to do.
? Nepal is a closed country (as you may know) so we can’t evangelize to unbelievers. Well, the Lord provided, it was a Christian operated organization with Christian members so we could talk openly about God. So I was able to share my testimony with the men that are a part of the program.
I did not want to stand in front of them and open up. I was scared to let someone I thought was so similar to my dad see the vulnerable parts of me. God told me to, however, so I did. I swallowed my pride and fear and I shared.
And wow! The Lord is so faithful! I stood in front of them and the anger I felt last year turned into love, the resentment I used to hold on to turned into compassion. Instead of crying about my story, I shared it boldly and encouraged the men to keep pursuing God and sobriety. Walking away, I KNEW that I have truly healed from my past. I have finally moved on and grown up. I looked at these men with love and hope in my eyes. That was from the Lord alone. Instead of wanting to run out of there, I wanted to stay and continue to pray over them.
Over a year after realizing how hurt and broken I was, in the same rehabilitation center, I realized how free and healed I am. I found redemption in a rehab center in the middle of Kathmandu, Nepal.
Thank you for reading! Keep these men in your prayers as they are on a road to sobriety. Pray that they continue on that path and that they grow to truly know the Lord.
