For many years I have been trying to plan and map out what my life should look like. I wanted to have complete control of my future. I strived to be in my comfort zone. I imagined the school I’d go to, I thought about what I wanted to major in, I planned to do a little light traveling to Europe or something, and I wanted to live a simple life. I saw myself living in the United States, with a (metaphorical) white-picket fence and a picture perfect family. I just wanted security. Well, let’s just say that I have changed over the years.
I honestly never imagined myself sitting here, prepping for a nine month program/mission trip overseas. I have always wanted to experience the world, but never pictured it being like this. I never pictured that I would be separated from my comfort and my loved ones for 9 months on a mission trip with people that I have never met. That sounds crazy! – And not at all like my “white-picket fence” fantasy.
A bit of backstory-Almost immediately after returning home from my Nepal trip last year, I was presented with this idea of a longer version of it. The World Race. I was on cloud nine, I wanted to go back to Nepal and said “Oh heck yes!” No hesitation, no thought, just emotion and instinct all jumbled into an impulsive life decision. (Which I don’t regret for the record). The idea of traveling for 9 months never registered, and it seemed like a cool idea but unrealistic at the same time. I spent the following year saying the same thing a little mundanely “I am taking a gap year. I will be traveling to Swaziland, Nepal, India and Guatemala for nine months. It’s a mission trip for college-aged students”. Don’t get me wrong, I was, and am, and will be, so friggin excited for this trip, but it just seemed like it wouldn’t actually happen. It seemed like a dream.
But now! The fact that training camp is less than a month away (and the actual launching is 3 months away) has hit me like a wave of stress and excitement all at once. I am beginning to feel the overwhelming amount of preparation still left. During this stressful time of actually getting ready for this major trip, I have found a lot of mixed emotions such as anxious thoughts, doubt, glee and pure excitement all bundle into this mess of a soon-to-be World Racer.
It may seem a little unnecessary to be stressed this early. But let me tell you, it is necessary… because I am a procrastinator, a last minute rusher, and a “I will just pull an all nighter the day before” kind of girl. That’s been problematic. If I were to sum up my life these last few years in a short anecdote, it would be, “She believed she could, but she procrastinated and ran out of time. So she didn’t. The end.” This way of living has never benefitted me, it only steadily added to my anxiety. I still do it though. It’s like second nature. However, mark my word, I have decided to change all of that. I don’t want my character flaw of poor time management to negatively interfere with this once-in-a-lifetime experience. So I have tilted the scale and swayed the opposite direction to excessive planning.
I’ve spent the last few days burning the candle at both ends, tirelessly researching and studying, reading countless alumni blogs, and continuously asking my squad mates questions. Okay, that was a bit overdramatic! The point is, I’ve just been putting forth more effort to plan and organize myself. Now, it seems like I don’t have enough time.
Many physical and mental challenges still lay before me as I prepare to go to training which will begin to prepare me for the trip! There is the physical obstacles, such as hiking and jogging with a 70 L backpack filled with a year supplies of clothes, up sharp inclines and during long, hot days. Then the mental obstacle, hiking and jogging with a 70 L backpack filled with a year supplies of clothes, up sharp inclines and during long, hot days. There is also the fact that I won’t have my usual support system or coping skills, as I will be hundreds of miles from them. There is also this daunting and strange reoccurring thought I have that helps me register the amount of time I will be gone. “Someone could get pregnant as I leave AND have the baby while I am away. I would never know.” I don’t know why I think that way, but I do.
Getting a mentor, reading books about ministry, journaling and honestly, over preparing, have become the tools I needed to get through the fear of what I am about to experience. Fear of the unknown.
I have also made a life decision to serve as a reminder to be still in times of anxiety and fear. I got a (real) tattoo saying “be still”. Coming from the Bible verses Zechariah 2:13, Exodus 14:14, Psalm 46:10. It’s a popular phrase. This was something I wanted to get before my trip so I would have a permanent and visual reminder to let go and let God.
All in all, I won’t be able to successfully thrive and enjoy this trip without God. Without Him guiding me and without the passion He has given me to go through with this. So while this seems like an insane thing to do, I trust the people in charge and (more importantly) I trust God to take care of the entire group. GO U SQUAD!
I know that I can buy everything they recommend, read every alumni blog, and workout as much as I want, but I cannot prepare for all that I know God will do in our lives and the lives of people we interact with.
My story is just beginning and I am so ready for 9 months abroad. (P.S. sorry this was all over the place. I just have a lot of unorganized thoughts at the moment)
