I find myself asking this question at least three times a week. Don’t get me wrong, I am totally pumped for the world race gap year; I’ve been dreaming about it for years. So when I finally got in, I was ecstatic, but the truth is…
I was also scared. SO SCARED
I guess I should explain what exactly it is that I am doing next year for those of you who have never heard of this program. So here’s the grand plan: Next September, I (along with fifty other 18 year olds) will be traveling to Costa Rica, South Africa, Thailand, and Myanmar over the span of nine months. I’ll be serving and spreading the love of Jesus to the communities of each country, while at the same time, learning how to become a better disciple of the Lord. I’m not exactly sure what the ministry is going to look like in each location, but the main focus is spreading the gospel!
Sounds amazing I know, so what was I afraid of?
Now this obviously wasn’t an easy decision; it took months, even years, of praying and seeing where the Lord was leading me. I felt God pushing me towards World Race, but I wanted to want to go to college next year. I wanted to be a freshman with my friends. I was jealous of everyone who knew where they wanted to go and what they wanted to major in. I didn’t want to accept the fact that he was calling me towards something different, because different is hard. Being from a small town in South Carolina, I had never met a single person who knew about the world race, so I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Honestly, the past summer was filled with uncertainty and confusion, and it wasn’t until the route reveal that I began to feel okay with my radical decision.
At the root of all my fear, was the most affective lie Satan tells us: You can’t do it. I had begun to believe him! I started asking myself, “who am I, to give sermons, teach English, and heal people through prayer? Who am I, to leave my friends and family for 9 months?” I began to worry so much about what might happen if I do something so out of the ordinary. These thoughts almost stopped me from pursuing the world race, until Jesus reminded me of what He said to his disciples:
“No one who has ever left home or wife or brothers or parents or children for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven will fail to receive as much in this age and, in the age to come, eternal life.” Mark 10:29
The Lord completely took away my fear of the unknown and relieved my anxiety about leaving the comforts of my life for a year. I no longer tried to run away from the life that Jesus was so clearly calling me towards, and I accepted the peace that comes with following His plan. I now know that I can do it; Jesus isn’t going to take me across the world just to leave me there. He will be with me every step of the way, guiding, loving, and teaching me.
So, I’m sure I will keep having those “what on earth am I doing” moments until I leave next September, but I will always find overwhelming peace in the fact that God promises blessings for those who leave it all behind to serve him 🙂
