I have
officially reached the half way mark. My
thoughts for this month have been delayed than the usual predicted time frames.
Usually, people reach month 3 and
realize I have another 9 months of this! Well, in my case, here I am, leading
into month 6 and finding my endurance fade. The good news about that is that, I don’t run
this race on my own endurance. I don’t wake up in the morning based on my own
strength. I don’t have a continued peace
and joy from my own efforts and I don’t keep going because of myself. The Lord put me in this equation for a reason,
but He bares the glory, He did after all, create the equation, determine the
variables and control. His infinite
wisdom, orchestrated the song of each and every one of our lives and His
signature is on not only our souls but all that our eyes capture and beyond
that.
I have asked Him, Daddy can I just
walk for a minute, can I just take a little break, I am weary and my body is
not holding up anymore. He gently reminds
me, honey, you haven’t been running this race, and would your flesh have even
made it to the half way mark? In all
honesty my flesh would not have made it to the beginning line. He urges me, keep going, I have you, I am
providing the endurance you need, I am providing the strength, the motivation,
the drive, the nourishment, and I have it all. I just desire for you to keep on the path I
have set before you. Don’t worry if you
trip, I will pick you up, don’t worry if your lungs become short of breath, I
will breath my holy spirit into you, don’t stop if you have a muscle cramp, I
will heal it with my gentle hands. So I
say, well then, I will stop trying to gather from myself because I feel tired,
we tend to get to this point where we run low and we attempt to gather from our
own strengths, our attempts our futile, only He has the living water that will
never run dry.
So, I look back right now and know I
am not the same person I was 2 months ago, before He radically changed this
journey even more. I realize, 5
countries in 5 months has nothing to do with what and how the Lord reveals and
changes us. It was His means, in His
plans, It is all Him who does it, not Ecuador, Peru, or Honduras. It is the Lord all along. It is a blessing that He chose to do it this way
that I taste abandonment, but even in my abandonment, there are still luxuries,
I still have food before me every meal of every day. I have a place to lay my head, stores and
malls within a short distance. I still
have to face the reality of life every day, I still have to fight the draw of
internet, I still have to learn to be wise about my money, I still have to
choose to eat right and to exercise, I still have to discipline myself as I
would in the U.S. The beauty of it all is that I don’t have to do it alone,
that there are more who are hungry, to step outside the boundaries that have
been set up by society when it comes to religion. The missing pieces of faith
are displayed daily as we see where our qualifications just don’t meet up; we
are incapable, only God could pull off some of the crazy miraculous things He
does.
Education takes you somewhere, but
what is knowledge without removing God outside of that box you seemed to have
caged Him in. Now, that I have run off
on a tangent, I can sum things up to something simple I
don’t know where the Lord has me right now. I am waiting on the Lord, and there is nowhere
I would rather be.
