Learning love

This verse rings in my head on a pretty regular basis. A couple of months ago, I found myself asking God, what does it look like to seek you with all my heart? How do i know if I am being genuine in my intentions? I mean after all isn’t that the reason I  accepted you into my heart? The past couple of years have been a constant struggle to fall out of my old patterns, and destructive lifestyle habits. I thought I understood the decision I made 3 years ago but apparently I had no idea. I couldn’t go a day without feeling that I was sinning in one way or another. The more I sin, the greater the separation from my Father. The guilt hung heavy in my heart. I knew, yet was disobedient. God always gave me the option to choose left or right and once i found myself on the wrong path, it became even harder to find a way out. As much as I thought nothing was changing, I did not realize how God was slowly and wonderfully making small changes, things I couldn’t recognize in myself but others did. I mean, He does use all situations for His GLORY.

How do I rip this flesh off?!?!! It seemed impossible, that I would never win this struggle. The truth of the matter is that, God always wins. The lie had manifested itself, telling me I would never be able to break away from who I was and I would make mistake after mistake and that I just was not strong enough. I was tired of this on and off relationship… I knew what I wanted, what I want now. I wanted a DIVINE ROMANCE with my father. I have wanted and continue to want to fall more deeply in love with my heavenly father. I want to re-evaluate what this word love means and how God will reveal to me how I am loved, and how I can love because He pours in and i pour it right back out. I want to overflow with the love of Christ and learn to disengage my previous belief of what I thought love meant. I want to learn about the sacrifice behind His love and how in turn, I can sacrifice for Him. So I am renewed in Him, the grace He has extended to me is a testimony of his unconditional love.

As I have been able to develop my identity through Christ these past couple of months, I have been liberated. I saught freedom from my past for so long but as someone pointed out, I already am what I seek, it just took a little while for my eyes to be open and to realize. Now that I realize, I refuse to ever allow myself to move backward. I will fall, I will stumble but I will come back up stronger and better through the grace of God and through His strength. I cannot do anything on my own, through Him, NOTHING, and I mean absolutely NOTHING is unattainable or impossible.