I didn’t sleep. The 24 hour mark passed and I had cat napped about 2 or 4 times. I’ve been saying goodbye to co-workers, friends and family for 7 days.
It started off with just co-workers. They travel a lot more than I do and as they headed out they would offer me their blessings and well wishes. My heart broke for the first time and the tears and sadness associated with leaving hit me on Tuesday. This man at my job that I respect and care for sent me one of the most amazing emails that just made all my hard work and sometimes unhappy work environment worth it.
But it hadn’t hit me, the fact that I was leaving for what seemed like forever.
Friday came and I got a surprise party from a bunch of people from my church. I love them all soo much. It meant a lot the balloons and the banner with all the flags of the countries I will be visiting. The time it took to plan and just really the thought that went behind it meant more to me than words can express.
But no hot tears, no intense sadness, it was as if I wasn’t leaving.
Sunday came and I got to say bye to a lot of people in my church. To sketch their faces into my heart and mind for the next year. I got to say bye to my family at dinner. They blessed me and passed on words of advice.
Still nothing. No feeling, no understanding of leaving…
Monday was a rush of buying last minute items and hoping that things worked. The girls came over for one final goodbye and finally it hit me. I was not going to see these beautiful women of God for 11 months. I was not going to see and be part of their lives and things change. I was not going to be there to laugh and encourage them. It broke my heart. As they prayed over me and gave me hugs I had to start holding back the tears. But then, I felt like a switch was flipped in me and it was gone. Pastors came and prayed over and another friend came to say goodbye and not a thing. We played games as if I didn’t need to pack my life in a bag and laughed and enjoyed our time like I didn’t have a flight in 6 hours.
Then the mad dash of packing, of figuring out what I needed to take and what I wanted to take. No coordination of outfits or shoes, just grab fold/roll and stuff. Load netbook, make sure it works, attempt to transfer my music (EPIC FAIL by the way). No time for shower just grab the gear and get in the car.
Nothing. As I sat in the car for the 45 min drive to airport with my family it didn’t seem like this would be the last time I saw them in person for 11 months. It didn’t hit me that this would be the last time I could hold there hand and curl up next to them. I wish I had taken advantage, I wish my brain could understand what was happening.
I stood in line and hoped and prayed I would make my flight not realizing that the people that mattered were standing next to me. We hurried to security and they couldn’t come with me. They couldn’t stand in line and see me off. Frantic quick hugs and the tears finally starting coming. Dad, mom, ad, and joy. But they didn’t leave. They waited until I was around the corner, one last hug and as I turned to look behind me I see the tears in my dads eyes and my tears could not be helped.
The First Travel Day, not good.
BUT – the Lord is my strength and he has greater things planned for me than even I could imagine and I trust that the work He began in me He will finish.
