I lost my desperation. I came on this trip because I was soo desperate for God to change me. To do something, anything in me. To hear his voice again. To learn to hear him at all times. We are 5 months in and I’m not desperate anymore. The desperation inside of me led me to a complete and total surrender to God. Anything for him. He is my saving grace, endless love.
Do I have to be in a place of desperation for a complete surrender to occur? I want to fall in love with Jesus. I want him to be first in my life, no, I want him to be my life. Not first. Just everything. We all need deeper, we all need intimacy with our God. How do I get back to that place Jesus? Show me the way. I don’t want to be to the point in desperation to give you everything. I want to surrender in all seasons, regardless of my desperation. Desperation can lead people to doing whatever anyone says and believing what any person says. I want to do and believe what God tells me is right.
How do I get there God?
I know I have been in a place of complacency, of selfishness. I need to change, to surrender once more. It seems harder this time. My flesh is comfortable and justifies the place I’m at. But I didn’t give everything up to just make a few steps forward and stop. I came believing in something I cant see. Believing that the end result is greater than myself. I cant see my future, but I believe that the God of the Heavens has an ultimate reward for me…to know him and walk with him. That is my reward, to be with him.
