This blog was written last Friday.
The smell of rain has been in the air for the past few minutes and grey storm clouds are hanging in the sky. In a land that experiences a true dry and rainy season this cool break from the normal heat is a rare treat. It has rained once already this week, the sound of drops drumming on our tin roof and waking me up from an already fitful sleep. The night it rained, I had alarms set for every four hours so that I could administer meds to my teammate, Ashley, lying on a mattress on the ground below my bunk.
The second night of our stay here in Nicaragua, the hammock Ashley was swinging in snapped and she hit the concrete floor below her directly on her tailbone. It was excruciatingly painful because, as we found out in the past week, her sciatic nerve was already pinched. The swelling from the fall increased the pressure on the nerve causing shooting pain, numbness and loss of movement. While it seemed she was improving after bedrest for almost two weeks, she had a relapse at the beginning of this week filled with spasms of pain that left her exhausted and unable to rest, relax or sleep.
In between driving to the clinic on a mattress in the back of a pickup truck, learning how to work with translators in a foreign clinic and her most recent stay in the hospital, Ashley has been an amazing friend, teammate and woman of God. She has pressed into the Lord in prayer, using her time staying back from ministry to create a prayer journal for the people on our squad and those that we are encountering. She has been SO tough! The pain she is walking through is excruciating and she has had little to no pain meds. In an act of extreme vulnerability and bravery, she has let this squad love her whether she is crying or laughing. She has called our little team of five to higher and has continued seeking and listening to the Lord. She is such a woman of God!
A couple days ago, the decision was made that Ashley needed extended care, rehabilitation and rest. Both our leadership and she came to the decision that it was time for her to go back to the states for an extended period of time. Today, after a day and a night in the hospital, Ashley was loaded onto an ambulance and transported to the hotel where she will be meeting her father and flying back to the states. She is still on the race. Her ministry is now in the states for a time. She is still on our team. The Lord brought us together for a reason and we share the unity of the Holy Spirit in a really sweet way.
Though I have cried with and for Ashley over these past weeks, it wasn’t until after saying goodbye to her, when I spilled my plate of a food at lunch that things just hit me. As I looked down at the rice and beans on the floor, the exhaustion, sadness and fear all hit me at once and I just let loose a couple of good, hiccup filled sobs. I have prayed with faith, stroking Ashley’s hair as I talked with Jesus about the pain I was watching my friend walk through. I have held her head steady in the back of a pickup truck heading to the hospital, believing for healing. I have told Jesus I trust Him. Now that she is really not here though and Jesus has asked me to trust Him, it is hard.
This is just where I am at right now. I am sad and that is okay. As someone who has walked through pain on a deep level (for those of you reading this blog who don’t know, I have had a pain condition for the past couple years), being the one watching someone walk through pain for an extended period of time is a whole new face of pain that I had not encountered with the intensity that has come with this experience. I am beginning to be filled with wonder at how Father God must have felt as He watched His beloved Son be crucified. As I write these words, it is hitting me that on the other side of that awful death was life, resurrection, the complete conquering of sin. God wasn’t surprised by the death of Jesus. He is not surprised or overwhelmed by what Ashley is walking through.
Thank you God that you bring life from death and beauty from seemingly ugly situations. I love you and I trust you. Please protect Ashley on her flight home. Thank you for the divine appointments you have for her back in the states. Thank you that she is filled with your Spirit and we are united by your love. Let her feel you Father love right now. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.
Thanks for reading this rather lengthy blog! Please be praying for Ashley and for the rest of our little team as we learn how to work with the n
