“I’m not ready yet.”
These are words that I have been hearing a lot recently as we have gone from house to house in the villages of Nicaragua. This phrase hit me hardest last friday during our day at the village of Trujillo. My team and I walked into the shade of a family’s porch and struck up a conversation with the father of the family living there. He spoke of how he read God’s word daily and of how it is a great thing for man to search out the things of God, but he was not willing to receive Christ into his heart. He was, “not ready yet”. As the conversation continued and it became obvious that he felt he needed to take care of all the sin in his life before receiving Christ, you could see all of us shifting in our plastic chairs they had pulled out for us to sit in, aching to rebuke the lie that the enemy was speaking to this man.
“I’m not ready yet.”
Jesus didn’t ask you to be ready. He asked you to come if you were weary and burdened and He would provide rest for your soul. He didn’t say, “Get to a place where you are well rested and have everything together and then come.” No, He simply said “Come.”
“I’m not ready yet.”
Good! Are you thirsty? Come drink. Are you hungry? Come eat. Because perfection and righteousness without the grace and love of Christ will never satisfy you. The better job, a better spouse and a bigger paycheck will not satisfy, but Jesus, Jesus will fill you to overflowing.
We left the house with the father, the mother and daughter all receiving prayer, but not ready to have a personal relationship with Jesus. Watching the wife and daughter look to their husband and father as they said they, “weren’t ready yet.” was heartbreaking. I cried with frustration and sadness as we stopped on the roadside to pray for this beautiful family, ripe for the harvest.
I have had a few days to think about this conversation and have realized that I say those same awful words to beautiful, hard things that God is calling me to step in to.
“I’m not ready to go to ministry yet, I’m too tired.”
Yes Lila, but I don’t want you to minister from your own strength anyways. You can only do all things through me.
“I’m not ready to fast yet.”
That is why I am calling you into that discipline. My strength is made perfect in your weakness.
“I’m not ready to surrender my future to you.”
For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.
Jesus, make me into a woman who surrenders everything to you even when I am “not ready yet.” Let me take such joy in the moments of not being ready, for it is there that I will find your strength and experience your presence on a whole new level.
Life updates:
I laughed when: a couple women asked me in Spanish if I was married and I thought they were asking me if I was tired. I told them “un picito” (a little bit). Our amazing translator Anna overheard and started cracking up. Once we all understood, we couldn’t stop laughing!
I cried when: the family mentioned in the above blog were not willing to have a relationship with Jesus.
I am working on: my soccer skills and Spanish. For both of these, I can currently hold my own with five year olds (and that might be stretching it as far as the language goes)
I had a blast: playing capture the flag with several of my squad mates after ministry one night. The other team won, but round two is soon to follow and they are going down.
I am praying for: our squad (and myself) to walk in grace and love for one another, that we will be unified in Spirit.
