A beautiful friend of mine has told me many times that God speaks to her in the little things, that there is something awe inspiring in the way that God chooses to make Himself so intimately known in the tiniest details of our lives (thank you Emily Smith). It adds a whole new kind of depth to “You have searched me Lord and you know me.” (NIV, Psalm 139:1) You know me? The God of the universe, the God who formed the ocean that I was swimming in only a month ago, feeling the powerful, sometimes frightening pull of the undercurrent, the God who is going to come back to this earth riding on the clouds with fire in His eyes, that God knows me? Woah! I question this beautiful, intimate knowing without even realizing it sometimes. So, here is a little reminder that God has given me recently.
A couple months before leaving for the race I was bound and determined to get the perfect journal. I had scoured the aisles of Barnes and Nobles several times, each time deciding on a beautiful, leather bound journal covered in a mosaic of butterflies. Over a span of two months, I went at least five times intending to buy that journal, but every time I felt the Lord stop me. It was pretty expensive so I figured that I was feeling conviction about spending money that didn’t need to be spent.
Two days before launch and still no journal. I marched into the two story Barnes and Nobles near my family’s house in San Antonio determined to check another thing off my still very lengthy to do list.
This Barnes and Nobles did not disappoint. They had the journal I wanted and more like it, but every time I would take it into my hands and start walking towards the cash register, I felt this interruption of peace, a quiet voice saying “no”. Unfortunately, I didn’t obey God with a cheerful spirit, but as I write this I can see how He was taking care of me with such tenderness and grace. He wasn’t angry with me in the least. I strided over to the sketchbooks, grabbed a huge journal with thick, blank, unlined pages and quickly checked out before my indecision made me turn back.
I am amazed at how I didn’t see then how God knows me intimately, much more so than I know myself. You see, I thought God was teaching me about sacrifice, surrendering my money to him. At the time, it made sense. I was about to go on the race and one of the things that I felt like I should learn (ughh, me, me, me. I didn’t really ask God what He was doing, I just assumed the worst and most difficult thing.) was how to surrender good things. Three months down the road, I open my journal and the Holy Spirit unveils a beautiful revelation. God wasn’t convicting me about spending money, He was lavishing His love on me. He knew that as a creative person, I would need this large, unlined journal to write in, fold, tear, draw and create! He was preventing me from choosing second best. He was helping me choose something that seemed less than in the moment.
My journal is not as beautiful, expensive or unique as the one that I was going to buy, but what has filled its pages is far more of a treasure than what would have filled the pages of the one that I would have chosen. God chooses the best things for us with care, an intimate knowledge of our lives and with a deep love that I will never quite be able to put into words.
Life Updates:
I am in Tegucigalpa!
I am reading: Hinds Feet in High Places (Hannah Hurnard) and My Sisters Keeper (Jodi Picoult)
I am listening to: Broken Vessels by Hillsong and any Spanish worship music that I can find
I laughed when: my teammate ended up sleeping in the empty crib in the room we were staying in. A racers gotta do what a racer’s gotta do!
I cried when: I felt overwhelmed by the language barrier, the staring, the cat calling and my inability to blend in with the crowd.
I worshipped when: I looked out from the mountain top/very tall hill that we are staying on and saw the lights of Tegucigalpa stretching out below me, a masterpiece of our Creator God.
