Time, its a funny little thing. Funny in the way of you don’t notice how fast its going by. One day you wake up and realize you’re on your sixth month of the race. And the last time you blogged was well six months ago. So i guess its time to do some catching up.
Guatemala was hard. Not in the way you might think though. It was a time of being far out of my comfort zone and fully relying on the Lord to get me through. Not in the sense of physical comfort, I’m talking social, emotional, mental. Yikes.
Suddenly you go from living in the states to living in a home with about 20 people, who you mostly don’t know at first. Introverts nightmare, seriously.
Suddenly your expectations completely let you down. You think you’ll be busy everyday doing ministry and serving, and well you’re sitting on the couch for the second day in a row. spending your days watching more Netflix than doing anything at all.
I honestly think I was more frustrated those three months in Guatemala than I have been my whole life. To say the least I grew bitter, and my heart was hardened. This lead to being unmotivated. That lead to just feeling invisible. It became hard getting up in the mornings, solely because I felt like I didn’t have a purpose or a voice.
This was me for three months. Three months I feed into every lie the devil whispered in my ear. It was hard admitting these feeling, no one wants to struggle. And no one likes admitting that they actually are. Pride, gets you every time.
But one of the best decisions of the race was leaving that behind. No longer would I let these beliefs hold me back. So I left it in Guatemala.
Its not easy to admit your struggling. It hurts, a lot. But there comes a time when its absolutely necessary to admit when you’re not okay. You have to create space for The Lord to come in, or else things never truly get better. Surrendering. Letting him in. Healing. Its powerful.
It has changed my race.
But I’m still not perfect, nor will I ever be. I will still struggle. The cycle never really ends. I have to die to my flesh every single day, every moment.
Struggling sucks, it really does. But I wouldn’t be who or even where I am now if I hadn’t.
Sorry for this post being super late, but my heart wasn’t in it to be blogging. I hope to write more post and share more about this crazy adventure. Thanks to everyone who has supported me!!
-Libby
