Ministry in China was hard for me. Relational ministry has always not been my thing. I’m not someone who sits down with people and instantly strikes up fascinating conversation. I knew going into the month it would be hard for me, but I kind of had this unrealistic expectation that I would overcome it immediately. Like God would see that I was trying really hard so I would instantly be granted success, I would stand up in the coffee shop and everyone there would get saved because I had taken a baby step outside of my comfort zone. Well, needless to say, that didn’t happen. I felt frustrated a lot because it was so easy for others to connect with people, and they would talk about what awesome meaningful conversations they had and I would think back on all the long moments of awkward silence that were in my conversations. It got to the point where I would just be sitting there exhausted wondering “why is this so hard for me? Is there something wrong with me?” It wasn’t that I was scared or ashamed to talk about spiritual things, that was actually easier for me than normal small talk! I just wasn’t connecting with people. I wish I could give you a cool story about how I finally connected with someone, but I can’t, it didn’t happen. God did reveal some deeper issues that I was struggling with that I talk about in Identity Crisis, but I wanted to preface that blog with this one so I could ask you to pray for me this month in Thailand. I’m growing so much in this, but I’m not quite there yet. I know God is working in me but He’s also teaching me it’s not an instant process. Thank you so much for your prayers and support as I traverse this journey He has laid out for me 🙂
