Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from Malaysia!
I apologize for my lack of blogs lately, internet is pretty scarce here and I’ve been a little busy with ministry! I’ve also been struggling a little with writer’s block, but I’m forcing myself to sit down and crank one out, so here goes nothin’!
We are staying in a small town called Changlun with a pastor and his family. It’s illegal to share your faith in Malaysia, no matter what faith you are, (although most people are Muslim) and we have to be very careful about what we say and do, so just in case I’m leaving out specific names in my blog. This family has blessed us so much, encouraging us in our spiritual gifts and just showing us what it looks to stand for Jesus in a place where spiritual oppression and legalism run rampant.
The people in Changlun are different from people we’ve met anywhere else. While some are so sweet and offer smiles as we pass, most are a little standoffish, and I have to admit that’s been difficult for me. Men jeer and cat-call at us as we walk down the street, people look at us with resentment and refuse to speak to us sometimes. Everyone in the town knows where we stay since Racers stay here almost every month, and we had someone try to break in, as well as people throwing fire crackers at the house in the middle of the night.
While this environment has been more challenging, I’ve still really enjoyed our ministry here, God has taught me so much about trusting Him this month. Every situation and struggle I’ve faced has found its solution in me placing my trust in Him. I came into this month super confident and sure of my own abilities. When we learned we would be helping in a kindergarten and doing chores around the house, my heart leapt. Finally! Things I’m good at! Kids and service, my two ministry loves! I anticipated an easy month where I could show off my strengths to my team and feel like I was contributing to ministry. The beginning of the month started just like that, everyone would comment how good I was with the kids and how impressed they were, and I loved every second of it. About a week into working at the kindergarten though, things started going downhill. I started feeling fatigued and extremely tired all the time. I would go to bed early and be the last one to wake up and even take naps in the middle of the day that were several hours long. I had no energy to play with the kids and was having a really hard time connecting with any of them, and I certainly had no energy to come home and do physical work, so I was feeling like I wasn’t contributing much to ministry around the house.
During these times my first reaction was to get frustrated with myself. I tried pushing myself harder. My team suggested I go to the doctor, but I didn’t want to, there was really nothing wrong with me except that I was tired! I finally realized it was a lesson, that I was relying on my own strength and not Gods. My talents and my strengths are not really mine at all! God is the one who enables me to do anything, and I need to constantly remind myself to rely on Him, even when I feel like I can handle something.
I can name so many other instances where God taught me to trust Him and lean on Him for strength this month. From having to go to the doctor twice, (so far I hadn’t had to go the doctor at all on the Race) to struggling with homesickness over the holidays, to doubting that I hear His voice, again and again I felt that the only remedy was to turn to Him and fully trust His plan for me. The effects of this surrender have been life-changing in my spiritual walk… but that’s another topic for another blog.
As this season in Malaysia comes to a close and I prepare for Japan and the inevitable changes that will happen in our squad with squad leaders being raised up, I’m fully trusting that God will give me the strength to get through anything that comes my way.
