I’m sitting in my hotel room, BLESSED with air conditioning and two great roommates that have allowed silence to commence so these thoughts HAVE to land on my blog page instead of their ears, and I’m thinking…
I HAVEN’T WRITTEN A BLOG IN MONTHS.
Immediate conviction in the form of a hammer to my heart.
SO… it’s time for the all inclusive update since my time in China, Thailand, and now… Malaysia.
I have realized that words are hard to place into an order these days. It’s been one of the TOUGHEST tasks since China. It might be because of the expectations I had for certain countries, for this leg of the race, for my own growth…. I haven’t nailed that one down yet. I’ve spent most of my days, watching, listening, and learning… and I can’t WAIT to be able to explain what I have seen.
Though today is probably not that day.
The Race is not kind to our spiritual digestive systems, and as a squad leader, I can justifiably say that it’s worse than any acid reflux of a typical Racer. As I head into my last month, I can feel my worn down edges beginning to give way to apathy, exhaustion, and self-retreat. They say it’s normal for this time of the race… but I say otherwise.
God has called His people to GO and MAKE DISCIPLES. He didn’t tell us how in a matter of words… He did MORE than that… HE WALKED IT OUT IN PERFECTION by means of His Son. Words can describe an experience. Words can combine themselves to paint a beautiful picture of an instance… BUT ACTION are words in motion. They become the patterns of a lifestyle.
When I answered the call into squad leading, God did not tell me, “Lia, will you go do this thing for me for the next 8 months or so… then you’ll be done and I’ll give you something else to do.”
NO.
He said, “Go and make disciples… it just so happens to look like this today.”
There is NO REASON to be exhausted by the LIFESTYLE God has called us to complete! He set the rhythm of work and rest PERFECTLY for our body, souls and mind. He has patterned us to be in NEED of Him. I do admit that the emotional exhaustion is real and accounted for, but even then… God made me to be fit for His calling! I accept what is real, but I refuse to lean on an excuse when God’s good truth is just as accessible.
Sometime during my mid-Asian adventure, I gave into the false truth that this Race has worn me down. That my squad was too much and I had no gusto left to lead my people. Simple things became hard. Blogging was a distant thought. I was not proud to tell others what God was doing and so I retreated behind the “business” of squad leading. When time came for work to be done, I stepped into it and completed it as needed, justifying my lack of life by the “service” of squad leading. I allowed the “experience” to rob me of the joy that comes with living a lifestyle after Jesus Christ.
Needless to say… I needed to GET OVER MYSELF. The over-all problem with that is God get’s robbed of HIS glory when we forget that it’s about HIM!!!!
SO. Here I am. The later, more humbled, redirected, redeemed and refurbished, more true version of myself.
DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT CHANGED MY ENTIRE STATE OF BEING?!?!?!
My team leaders. They took me and Joshua aside and reminded us of WHO WE ARE in the Kingdom. We spent a good 4 hours recapping the beauty in each others lives by means of God given words, testimony of each other’s lives, sharing stories of how we have impacted each other, and mostly just praising the good work of our Daddy.
FRIENDS… it wasn’t the poverty that made me get over myself. It wasn’t the prostitutes in Patong, the dying babies in China, or the injustice of Malaysian government. IT’S THE EVERLASTING LOVE AND JOY THAT COMES FROM CHRIST JESUS and makes Himself real and known in OUR lives! It was my community, those living life beside me in unity under Jesus’ blood. The “church”, if you will. They were the ones that reminded me of truth because they LIVE truth daily. They were my “city on a hill” that day.
I think people read blogs, hoping and praying that the sad stories will wake them up from their life of apathy and wanting. It’s like looking at a bad car wreck or watching scary movies. Why do we feel the need to look at the ugly of life, hoping that it will remind us of the beautiful?
LET ME WARN YOU… broken stories are just sad refrains without the LOVE OF JESUS. I started to see that I needed to search out HIS LOVE and HIS JOY, not focus on the issues of our squad or the issues of ministries, hoping God would show up in the midst. I wasted too many moments hiding in the junk so that my little peep of shining light would look brighter.
God has always pre-existed the stink of this world and He pre-exists yours, too! He has called YOU to go and make disciples! It’s my hope that we as the body remember that we are not only called to the nations, but also called to each other. Our lives must be more than words, and believe it or not, God can and will sustain us for what He has called us to do!
I’m sorry that my selfishness led me to keep my struggles and victories to myself… moreover keeping God’s great glory confined to those around me. The world needs to hear His conquests and it’s up to us, the one’s deemed as “more than conquerers” to testify and boast on His behalf.
Thank you for supporting me as you have, my family and my friends. I love you all SO dearly!!!
See you in June.
