These are the true confessions of a
fake arranged married woman…
Here’s the story.
Once upon a time, I was asked to squad
lead with Joshua Maisner, who at the time, I did NOT know at all! We spent very
little time with each other the first three months of the race due to ministry
placements. The extent of our knowledge was basically limited to me being a
dancing machine, and him ALWAYS making the perfect smiling face for any picture
ever taken.
Then… the day came when Kim, Kyla, and
Janina joined us in holy Squad Leading Matrimony. That’s right. They arranged
us in our very own fake, arranged marriage.
From that moment on, we inherited 60+ grown adult Americans, budgeting
finances together, making major decisions about where we travel, where we go
minister, how we discipline, communicating all of the above, and… worst of all…
when we ate, we even shared our dishes with each other.
Now, just to keep my bases clear… I am
not saying that we have a “dating” relationship. I can just hear somebody who neglected
to read the entire blog spreading around that me and Joshua dated the whole
race and are now getting married. HA! Not so much… keep reading.
Entering into a team dynamic that
mirrored a real marriage surprised me just as much as Joshua. Within the first
few months, we learned to “fight” (in non-married terms, that means to
disagree). We learned how to apologize. We learned that our communication was
the key to our survival! We learned that we had to WORK at our relationship so
that we could love our squad well.
Arranged marriages are not made to necessarily enjoy the same tastes, or
because it’s Vegas and the ceremony director looked like Elvis, or because
you’ll make pretty babies together.
In India, a good friend of mine’s
wedding was “arranged” by his and her community. The arranged couple knew each
other and shared their interest with their “mentors”, for lack of a better
word. They all met, discussed the advantage of this union, and agreed. Then
entered into their vows knowing that they were not entitled to those words.
They began their marriage with the idea that it is in their collective hands’
power to WORK their vows into being.
My premise is this. Joshua and I KNEW
that our relationship, as co-squad leaders AND as friends, needed our
continuous effort. There were many situations where the stress and burden of
our particular calling contributed to our more dynamic conversations. Just because
we “got along”, doesn’t mean that we are exempt from the rough patches each
relationship will inevitably incur. THIS IS REAL LIFE. People disagree and
stuff happens, no matter HOW compatible they may be. It was here that God gave
me the most legit fake arranged marriage counseling money can’t buy…
“Lia,
are you willing to choose to see his better when he only shows you his worst?”
OUCH JESUS. You did that for me,
didn’t you? You said “I do” for ME when you married the church. You see my
worst, over and over again, but continue to call out what’s best in me. You
still claim me as your daughter, even when my heart is a terrorist to your
love! Thank you for marrying my heart for my “better” that you placed there,
and also for the “worst” that comes with it.
God has used 8 months of squad leading
to teach me how to be a wife, the bride-groom of Christ, and a good friend.
Joshua and I are just normal people living life side by side. We see the good,
bad, and ugly… and because God continues to see our best among our worst, we do
the same in each other. It’s our hearts to remind and inspire towards the good
and true placed in each other by God. Any fool can see the negative in another
person, but a wise man can show a fool that he is not one at all. (Not a proverb,
but still a good word!).
Without getting into how the world has
contorted marriage into a watered down version of an empty promise… there is a
standard set by our God and His love. It’s one that reaches beyond the
constitution of marriage and into the realm of our faith and status of our
hearts. God is in it for the long-haul with you. He won’t relent. He’s the
24-hour suitor that causes you to blush with His sweet reminders of love. He’s
just and doesn’t play “games”. He wants ALL of you, not just your
pretty-painted faces or your always-in-control reputation. He wants your messes
AND your trophies.
God wants you for better AND for
worst. That’s the God-love that separates joy from happiness, abundance from
enough, and followers from believers.
SO… as a HUGE THANK YOU and a tribute
to my best friend, my co-squaddie, and partner-in-crime for the past 8 months…
Thank you, Joshua, for teaching me the
hard lessons on how to love, keeping your cool when I was not, and showing me
that my best is always worth putting up with my worst! I’ll see you October/November!!!
AND… to my REAL future husband… I
can’t wait to show you this love that God precociously taught me these past
months! He already has us in His favor! Thank you (in advance) for being a man
of patience, integrity, and boldness. You’ll need ALL these things to live with
me… FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE! Your Button!
