One week before my squad left the base we have been staying at here in Guatemala, some of us were at Worship Room, a worship night at a super cool, local coffee shop. As we were crammed worshipping, barely able to move left or right, I took my phone out, opened my notes and started writing. I have learned an abundance of lessons this year. I have learned new things about God. New things about me. I have seen things that will forever be hard to explain. I have loved hard and been loved so well. I have laughed and cried and danced and mourned.
The note doesn’t depict every detail of what my life has been like but I encourage you to put yourself in my shoes and feel this with me. I would love to explain these past nine months in further detail with any and all of you in the next weeks–please ask! Real, raw, deep, weird questions. I would love to share.
Here is the note.
“
This year.
Oh Jesus what you have done in my heart this year. Shone me your power in the simple yet mighty ways you move—your sunsets every single night in Swaziland or the crazy lightning storm; the children who were so broken yet beautiful in your eyes. You have healed knees and backs but you have healed hearts. You have transformed lost, broken souls and brought freedom and truth.
You have brought everlasting peace to my once anxious heart. You placed a deep passion for knowing your truth and walking in that—fighting for that.
My heart has been broken and torn apart by people I have seen, temples I have walked in, friends I said goodbye to, lonely nights without my family. Without wanting to necessarily, I have learned what denying myself everyday looks like.
I firmly believe I have met the most beautiful souls this world offers. They are my family now and I can not wait for that party in heaven.
I have never been more aware of how nothing I am without the Spirit. Oh Jesus, thank you for being my strength on the days I thought I was too tired. Thank you for being my peace on the days anxiety had a tight grip around my neck. Thank you for being my comfort on the sick days or sad nights.
Thank you for giving me the best people in this would entire universe to walk alongside me in this journey because you knew I could not do this alone. They have loved me, stretched me, and pointed me back to you.
Oh Jesus, how big and great you are. And you invited me here? You called me to be exactly here right now. Thank you for calling me to be a vessel of your love. Forever I will be your vessel, far after this season ends.
Oh Lord, help me never forget how you moved in my heart and life and the people around me in the past nine months. All glory goes only to you. I wish I had more words, or more songs, or more love to praise you with. But you don’t need it Lord. You don’t need me or anyone. But you want me. You choose me.
Oh Lord. The nations of Swaziland, Nepal, India, and Guatemala will forever be deeply imprinted within my heart.
Lord, I pray you never stop reminding me of your goodness and I pray I never stop praising your Holy Name.
You before everything, Jesus.
Your name lifted on high.
I love you, Lord. “
