I want to be as open and vulnerable through these nine months as possible. I thought the best way to properly do that would be to literally show you parts of my journal—yes, my own, private journal. So here is my heart, hold it with care.
September 20, 2018
Ministry today was a great time and the day went by so fast. I feel like life at home is so jam packed and life here is so much more laid back. We had feedback tonight which was honestly super refreshing. I love my team.
September 24, 2018
Today felt like a freeing day. . . We had a bit of worship then such a good talk with Anna and Jess and others. Got a good cry out about nightmares and fears, [was] prayed over —FELT SO MUCH BETTER. Thank you Lord! Then girls night!! Played to tell the truth— SO FUNNY. Then watched She’s The Man. It was a late night.
September 27, 2018
I think the reason I’m not homesick yet is because I know I’m suppose to be here. In Swazi. Now.
September 28, 2018
LONG day at ministry today. Anna and I weeded and I was able to open up to her about so much. Sexual past, sins, and temptations. So freeing.. Beautiful talk. Freedom.
October 7, 2018
I’m sitting outside, feeling the sunshine and I have firmly decided I want to journal more than I already do. Still before bed. But also just just when I want to. When I am feeling everything deeply. I don’t want to forget any moment, person, or sunset from this year. I want each moment to fall from my heart onto paper as best as I possibly can. . . I’ve learned two things about myself since being gone— 1. I’m not as extroverted as I, or other people, think I am. 2. I am not as big of a night owl as I thought I was.
October 8, 2018
Man, am I a reader at heart. I cannot let America’s busy life take that away from me next year.
October 9, 2018
Currently in the bus on the way to DEBRIEF! How is it already here? Swaziland is so mountainous it reminds me of what Utah might look like in the summer- I wish I could show dad. . .And suddenly I’m worried for my heart. For how many places my heart will call home at the end of this. Regardless, Swaziland, with these lush mountains and people surrounding me are home. I’m 18 years old and my heart is already all over the world. I think i’m fine with that. . . but all I know is I’m here for a reason. I am here to be present with jesus. To experience Him in new people, in new places, in new creation. My heart desires to find Him all over the world. His creation is reminding me how secure His comfort is. . . I love Anna and we keep hitting each other to look out each others windows. I’m looking out the left, she’s looking out the right, but every time we see something we like— we hit each other [to look out each others window]. Because why experience that alone. Thankful for a friendship like hers. Where we don’t let each other miss the little things, or experience them alone. This is fellowship.
October 19, 2018
All throughout the day I was able to paint little and older girls nails, which was so sweet and fun. I hope they felt beautiful. . . the day flew by, I barely hammocked for a minute before dinner was ready, then dish duty, then journey markers, then beautiful little talk with Sam, Dan, Mykayla, and Jordan, then read some Haryy [Potter]. Haven’t talked to anyone from home at all today. I felt kind of emotional today and let out a good cry. I just miss them. All of them.
October 21, 2018
Yup, didn’t journal yesterday. I was too busy vomiting and having diarrhea.
October 28, 2018
I think I’m finally starting to feel better—physically and emotionally. All week I think I was just in a weird place. I wasn’t that present all week and I found myself pretty meoitnal, all the time.
October 29, 2018
[We] honestly shared, wrote our shame down, burned it. Then worshipped and praised God. Crazy day.
November 4, 2018
I have killed so many bugs in the last ten minutes it is alarming.
November 10, 2018
Watched a cow be killed slowly with a screw driver.
November 12, 2018
Today felt very unexpected. Doesn’t feel over honestly. I think because this story of freedom will never end. . . After dibber we had tesitnomy time to share about Stand Up for Your Sister. It was so cool to see all the gilt opening up for the first time about the stuff and the freedom it was bringing them.
November 13, 2018
Got into a super cool convo with an olde girl [at my carepoint] where we digging into scripture.
November 18, 2018
Anna’s sweet birthday. I feel so honored to be close to her. . . Today, for some reason, I really felt like I can’t not go into more long term missions. I love investing in a country for his long. I just love it here. . . . today was so joy filled in every possible way
November 22, 2018
HAPPY THANKSGIVING! Okay, Jesus made my heart so joyous for real.
November 28, 2018
We went to get firewood and a lot of the kiddos cam too which wa ssuch a fun and sweet time. . . I seriously will miss these day. I will really miss the older girls.
November 30, 2018
We said goodbye to Muba 1 [our carepoint]. . . Oh, I pray they felt loved. I just cannot imagine never seeing them again.
December 2, 2018
Very last Sunday here in Swazi. Church was a long one today.
December 5, 2018
The last day in Swazi. Wow.
