When you join the World Race they warn you that fundraising is hard. They tell you fundraising will have you doubting everything God has ever promised us, but I didn’t believe them. I knew who I was because of Christ- through Christ. I was wrong. I thought nothing would change. I thought my grades would be awesome and my friends would love me the same, if not more since I’m leaving the country for nine months. I was wrong.
I have always been loud and sociable and most of my high school career I got along with pretty much everyone. I knew everyone and everyone knew me. If there was a party that weekend, I knew about it. If there was a sporting event, I was there. Almost instantly after I got accepted to the Race did I notice my friend group shift into almost nothing. I noticed I wasn’t invited to the parties anymore. I spent money on a sporting event pass that I’ve used… maybe twice?
For the longest time, I thought it was me. I must’ve done something to drive all of them away. Maybe the World Race isn’t for me? It wasn’t until I ran into an old friend on the staircase one day and asked why we don’t hang out anymore and they told me they’d ‘hit me up’ when my Jesus faze ends. Then it hit me nobody wants a Jesus lover at a party.
I thought getting accepted on the World Race would change nothing, but it’s changed everything. My heart aches for the all the things I planned on doing this year with people that want nothing to do with because I’m stepping out of the cultural norm. Ya know, but I just think- I have this friend and His name is Jesus and this friend is a friend that will NEVER leave my side and that’s something He promises me! I have a friend that loves me unconditionally, without any strings attached. I have a friend that will support me and be by my side even when He doesn’t agree.
I want to apologize to any old pals that feel this isn’t accurate. That feels I was every judging you or thought I was above you because I’m going on a mission trip. I’m sorry if you feel I ever tried pushing Jesus onto you. I am sorry that I didn’t love you how you needed to be loved. I’m sorry that I ever made you feel less. You’re not less and my way of life isn’t any better than yours. I hope your senior year is going really well and you love yourself a little more today.
This topic of conversation has been something that has weighed heavy on my heart for a while. I don’t know what the next step God has for me, but I can’t imagine it getting any easier but I do know it will be worth it. I just ask, could you please talk to God about me tonight? I don’t want Him to lessen the load, I just want Him to reassure me that I can handle the load.
