Sah wah dee khaa y’all! That’s the woman’s “hello” in Thai!
How has everyone been? What’s new in America? What’s new here in me is God’s lessons!
We’re working at Wildflower Home! They’re a safe home for women and children who have been hurt by violence, or are at risk of getting hurt. We’ve been doing different work each week there.
Last week, it was throwing away old mushrooms in their mushroom house and picking weeds. This week, we’re shoveling soil from one place to another, spreading gravel, and helping in the daycare!
I have to confess: I’m not strong. I am a small, weak woman. So shoveling dirt in wheelbarrows? Not one of my best strengths. Add that with a self-disparaging mindset, and you get me, constantly feeling like I’m not doing enough.
Ever since I’ve come to Thailand, enough is the word that runs through my head. I’m not working enough, I’m not eating enough, I’m not doing enough on adventure days. And you know what? That’s an absolute stupid attitude to have.
This is definitely something God has impressed on me this week – I am not enough. But He is.
On Monday, I took the wheelbarrows full of dirt and dumped them in the grove on top of the mushrooms we had thrown there last week. I sincerely didn’t want to do this. I got stuck inside my head: I’m being too slow. People are going to shout at me any minute now. I can’t do this. I’m too weak to push this.
And guess what? None of that came true! I was slow, but nobody yelled. They waited for me to push the cart through and followed, just like what I do when someone in front of me is slow. I could, and did, do it. I pushed wheelbarrows today!
God was showing me that there’s nothing to be scared about. I need to get out of my head, which I’ve been stuck in for a good portion of the Race already.
Later, we had lunch. Our team had two tables, and all the seats were full. Normally, I would pull up a chair, but that hadn’t worked before. So I just sat at another table, by myself. I was too tired to be scared, or to throw a fit. I’m the odd one out again? Fine, I’m used to it.
My team then noticed, pulled up a chair, and urged me to sit with them.
God’s lesson then was to fight for my place. Don’t lie down like a dog and just accept circumstances. Fight for what’s right.
Yesterday, I was actually loading dirt. But it was never as much as the other girls on the team. They dug down deep, gutting a third of the pile in what felt like an hour.
And here’s me, barely able to clear the ground of dirt. I felt close to useless. I stopped shoveling, and tried wheeling again. It was better that time around; I was actually useful.
I told my troubles to some of my squadmates at lunch, tears slowly spilling, and afterwards, one of my squadmates, Adrianna!! reassured me that I am hard-working. I’ve been told in the past that I am, but it still doesn’t feel like it. But when Adrianna said it, it was exactly the moment I needed it.
Then today, I wasn’t helping in the pile at all. I couldn’t figure out what to do! The dirt pile was swarmed with workers, people pulled wheelbarrows faster than I could. One of the Thai workers noticed, and sent me to the daycare with Zoe and Lexi.
And that’s where God showed me to be content with where I am. Ministry is wherever God is, which means ministry is everywhere.
These kids were adorable. Plus, you don’t need language to interact with them! You can just gasp and fall to the ground when they “shoot” you, and they will giggle up a storm. And as Lexi reminded me, the children are important.
“Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”” ~Matthew 19:14
Day by day, God’s instilling and demonstrating lessons that I’ve never been able to reconcile in America:
Be content with what I am doing, by doing the best I can. That can be by playing with the children, spreading rocks with my feet (instead of a hoe), or wheeling wheelbarrows. If I put my best work behind it, then that’s the best I can do. And that’s okay.
I am not weak in the ways that matter. I am a child of God, but made of human flesh. I am walking for God, and when I fall, He’ll pick me right back up.
“”Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”” ~Matthew 26:41, NIV
To conclude, every situation has something to be found in it. You just have to be willing to look for it. Good night y’all!
Founded in fertile soil,
Cheyenne
“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.” ~Psalm 32:8, NIV
