> I’m taking a deep breath as I write this. These last two weeks have been polar opposites, and If my newfound peace and freedom did not overwhelm me, I think the shame of how much I needed grow (and still need to grow), would. Embarking on a trip like this, it’s so easy to fantasize about the people you will meet, the children you will help, the lives you plan to impact, the bonds you will make, and the emotional and spiritual hurdles you’ll jump. What you don’t exactly plan for are the days you don’t feel at all like a worldracing, super star gospel sharing, peace-loving mother Teresa type character. You don’t exactly picture the days where failure and confusion are the theme of the day, instead of the sharing of good news and awesome Instagram pics.
Essentially, in my desire to continue the high adrenaline, overwhelming peace, contentment, self acceptance, compassion, and energy which from our previous teen camp, I took it upon myself to dive into our next service headfirst and keep my own fiesta going. The last two weeks we have offered an English camp for the youth of Lajas, we have about four, three-year olds and approximately fifteen, seven to thirteen year olds. In the beginning of last week when our beautiful kids flooded through our gates, I knew my heart was still mending from saying goodbye to our first weeks children, I was questioning my purpose here and overall sense of self with all the changes, and I was starting to lose site of how much God had to do with our success and how little it had to do with me. In an effort to keep my own show going, I put on the best front that I could and sought to use whatever strength and love I could pull out of my magic bag of tricks. I wanted to truly love the smiling faces that ran through our gates each morning, but my heart felt heavy and burdened. I smiled and hugged them too me, but what good is affection if it’s given with vain motives and in a way, to feel their affirmation in return (children are incredibly accepting and have an undeniably sweet way of making one feel like a rockstar). I wanted to want good for my teammates, others, anyone, and rejoice in their victories, but my psyche was so at war with its self, not resting comfortably in my identity, I didn’t have it in me to lift up another person. That does not sound like a missionary. That does not sound like Jesus…
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About four days into week two, confused and frustrated, I dove into scripture looking for some answers. I seemed as if God hit the italicize button, as the word Humility began appearing in a majority of the verses I read. Psalm 34:2, “My soul shall make her boast in the Lord, the humble shall here there of and be glad.” Philippians 2:8 says “And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death-even death on a cross”. The same chapter shows us ” He made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant being made in human likeness” (2:7). Its right there. It so evident, so incredibly available to be seen, but so often missed! We have nothing whatsoever to uphold, nothing to boast, to prove, we have nothing even to be. If Christ truly adores a humble heart, that means he lets us off the hook for needing to have be something we think we should, or something we believe others want to see. Understanding the truth of the gospel and the reality of his love, is that he takes ‘Normal’ people, and fills them with every good and perfect gift he wants to pour out on others. This means that the more that I let him help me push my efforts to the side, the more room there is to fill me with the deliciously authentic love he has and wants to share with these kids, my teammates, people on the street, host families, and even myself. This reality is really quite beautiful, because it has the ability to set every individual free. For you and I, we have the freedom to accept our identities as they are and rest in the fact that the we are merely the vessel of what God is truly doing underneath. For mothers, fathers, teachers, preachers, friends, sisters, brothers, world travelers, leaders, members, music makers and missionaries, every role that can be filled, WE have the freedom to simply be, living in a quiet humility that showcases him instead of us! It is when we rest in his grace and his perfect will, that our roles are lived out efficiently and effectively and true change takes place in the lives of ourselves and others.
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> Philippians 2:3 – ” Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but consider others better than yourself.”
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Now the children run through our gates and I give thema million kisses and big bear Hugs, and I feel joyfully blissful because I know that this love comes from another source. I am in charge of singing time and dancing this month. We’ve got some pretty great fruit of the spirit songs we get down too, lots of fantastic jumping and overly enthused gestures. The kids draw us LOTS of pictures, show off their new vocab when they can, and spend half the time begging to jump on the trampoline here at the house we are hosting camp at. Alanna, a little girl about ten years old (she’s on the left side in the pic with me below) writes my name all over her notebook inside hearts and a brings me cards and candy in the morning. Is telling you guys that self glorification? What can I say, I love it:) When I’m not helping teach, saying ” que Linda” (how pretty) about every new line of crayon or paint they’ve used, dancing or playing games with them, I’m simply watching them. Because in watching them, I see Christ and I am reminded that he’s so happy to be the life, the mystery, the beauty, and the love behind my endeavors.
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> I love you guys. Thank you for your continual love and support. I found a new fruit, Its said like “Zip-o-Tay”, brown on the outside and bright red on the inside with like a sweet potato texture. I swear on its health benefits (my own analysis), it sweet like sugar, and wish I could give one to all of you!!!! Many blessing and lots of prayers!
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> -Lex
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> (Pictures top to bottom, , Harolyn (7), Ailine (5) sisters,Aido ( orange swim trunks; says he’s 4 looks like he’s 2 plays basketball like he’s 10), Jaden, (4)Alanna (10), Anny (7), Yanny-Belle (12))
( For those of you who viewed this blog originally, with no conent,different titles, and posted a million times, I apologize:0!!!) wifi/ipad error/ not good!)
