Guys… I’m going to be home soon. Like, REALLY soon. 21 days to be exact. And I need to tell you something…
I still suck.
Yes, I’m more like Jesus than I was when this journey began, but my heart it still weighted and constrained with darkness. Unfortunately, this is a condition that I will never see the end of in this life.
To be honest with you, I’m struggling a lot with this part of myself right now. There are people in my life, here in Nicaragua, who are manipulative and controlling.
I don’t deal with manipulative and controlling very well.
So, in the past 6 days since we have been here, I have built up a lot of resentment against them.
Only 21 days.
I left Honduras with a light and a hope rooted in Christ, now I lay here in bed listening to the rain on the tin roof and watch the darkness around me saturate my heart.
Many people would say that it is fine for me to act the way I have been, because of the situation, But I know one who is calling me higher.
Jesus
He calls us to love our neighbor, even if they are our enemy. No, the people here are not my enemies, but they are my neighbors. I need to love them because it’s what Jesus calls us to do.
I’ve been fighting this battle for only 6 days, but it feels like weeks.
I’m reaching out to all of you because I need prayer. I’m tired. I’m ready to be home. But that gives me no reason to live in darkness. I ask for you to pray for me and my team. We only have 21 days left, pray we finish strong, knowing that we have loved the way Christ does.
