Sometimes I am overwhelmed by the thought of still needing to raise a little over $10,000 dollars.
Sometimes I am overwhelmed by the thought of leaving behind everything I am used to and having to embrace a new way of life.
Sometimes I am overwhelmed when I think about leaving my family and friends.
Sometimes I start to lose sight of Jesus and let my doubts and fears control me.
Lately I have been struggling in a big way with doubt. Am I really making the right choice in doing this trip? Is this truly what God wants from me? Should I have just forgotten about missions, gone to college, and been “normal”?
During my time with God the other morning He reminded me of the passage in Matthew when Peter walks on water:
Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear. But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.” “Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.” -Matthew 14:25-33 (NIV)
You see I am just like Peter. Jesus has called me to step out on the water and come to Him. He has called me to abandon what America thinks is the “right path” and to learn what it truly means to love Him and follow Him to the ends of the earth. But sometimes I see the wind and began to sink… I think that there’s no way to raise the money in time. Or that I’m not qualified for this kind of thing.
Here’s the beautiful part though. Jesus doesn’t let me drown. Just like He did for Peter, Jesus reaches out His hand and catches me. He says “you of little faith why do you doubt me?”. And I then remember how great He is.
It is in the moments when Jesus has to grab me by the hand and pull out of my fear and doubt that I see who HE is in a new light.
Jesus is Savior. Provider. He is loving. Faithful. Sovereign. He is the Almighty God.
And I’m just me, standing here on the water, knowing that He won’t let me drown.
“I don’t always knew where this life is going. I can’t see the end of the road, but here is the great part: Courage is not about knowing the path. It is about taking the first step. It is about Peter getting out of the boat, stepping out onto the water with complete faith that Jesus will not let him drown.” –Katie J. Davis
