Over and over again on this trip the Lord reminds me how truly blessed I am. I don’t say that as a cliche saying, I truly mean it.
On Sunday a few of my squad-mates where playing basketball at the local park with our host family. They happened to see a house crowded with people surrounding it. They didn’t really know what was going on so curiously they moved closer. What they saw next was saddening. They saw the dead body of 16 year old girl who had hung herself.
It greatly affected them. The next day we prayed over the house without actually going in. We later found out that it was the cousin of our host family’s daughter.
Wednesday we went to a procession and viewed her body. Really we went and said our condolences. From the minuet I walked into the room I felt a heavy presence and felt as if someone was sitting on my chest. We saw her little casket and a beautiful photo of Alejandra sitting on the top.
As one of my teammates played “Broken Vessels” by Hillsong. The tears started flowing. My heart physically hurt for this girl. The song goes,
All these pieces
Broken and scattered
In mercy gathered
Mended and whole
Empty handed
But not forsaken
I’ve been set free
I’ve been set free
Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost
But now I’m found
Was blind but now I see
Oh I can see You now
Oh I can see the love in Your eyes
Laying Yourself down
Raising up the broken to see
If this girl would have just understood the true love that Christ has for her. If this girl could have understood how worthy she is to be loved. If this girl could have understood that God will take you in no matter what. If this girl could have understood that God would have mended her heart. If this Girl would have understood that God would have most of all set her free from the inner pain.
As the procession went on, we sang some more.The mother and father wailing loudly, they were broken on their knees. The friends one by one went up to the casket as it had a window looking down on her small frail body.
I couldn’t gather myself to come to terms with it. It’s not okay that she felt as if she had no one to turn to. It’s not okay that she was only 16. It’s not okay that I lived a life where I was so blessed and I have taken that for granted. It’s not okay..
We prayed before leaving with the family. Again and I again I silently prayed “God I don’t always understand you, but I trust that whatever Satan intends for evil you intend for good.” I have never been in a place of loneliness where I feel as if I have no one. My parents would do anything for me. My God would do anything for me. I have never felt unwanted or unworthy.
It’s hard to grasp, but I know that it motivates me to continue building the kingdom to continue to bring hope to the hopeless. My God is a good God and I want other to know that. I’d be lonely without you God.
With so much Love,
Lexi
