One week, two words, a millions things to talk about. Training Camp. The hardest, yet best week of my life.
When I envisioned training camp, although they told us to come with no expectations, my mind was consumed with different scenarios that could possibly happen. I prepared myself for the worst. I thought I was mentally, spiritually, emotionally ready for whatever they threw at me. Boy was I wrong!
The teachings were amazing, and I was soaking it all in. The worship was so anointed and freeing. My squad was interacting well, and everybody was enjoying each others company. Everything was going great. Then this thought began to invade my mind, "is this too good to be true?"
Satan began to attack my mind like nobody's business. The thing is he was using the same thing he has used for years, stuff I have believe over and over again.
You aren't worth His time. You aren't worth their time. You will never fit in. They don't care about you. This won't last.
Lie after lie after lie.
I remember sitting during one of the worship sessions, curled up, asking God why I felt so numb. Everybody around me seemed to be having these miraculous 'God moments', and there I was…numb.
It was in that moment that I heard these words, straight from the heavens
"Let me love you"
I began to weep. For the first time I felt God's love.
My mind always knew that God loved me, but my heart never really believed it. So many times I have trusted people in the past only to be beaten down and left abandoned. I had created this image in my head of God, that He loved me, died for me, and would do anything for me, but I still had my doubts. I had consumed my life with making sure everyone else felt loved, I had pushed myself aside.I put on the smile, and even if I really wasn't ok, I convinced myself that my burdens weren't near as bad as those of others, that my problems weren't worth God's time.
That is NO MORE!
I AM WORTHY.
I AM LOVED.
I AM CREATED IN GOD'S IMAGE.
That night I let my walls completely down, and like a cool rush of water, God poured His love on me. I have never felt so loved, so whole in my life. To sit in His presence, weeping, being consumed by the love of my Daddy, was the greatest feeling in the world. The best part? I can have it whenever I want it. God will never leave me, never forsake me, and never stop loving me.
Training camp changed my life in a way I would have imaged. There was no huge production, no flashy lights, no immaculate scheme. It was just a moment between and Father and His daughter. He lavished her with love, and she freely received it.
God met me in that moment.
