So, I just finished reading this book called 'Not A Fan' by Kyle Idleman. The last three chapter are a real kick in the teeth if I must say. The whole book is about defining your relationship with Jesus.
Are you an avid fan or a devoted follower?
Would you follow Jesus there?
Would you follow Jesus then?
Would you follow Jesus even if it was completely uncomfortable?
As I took this week to look at my walk with Jesus, it was a challenge, to say the least. I remember driving home one day, talking to God, as I typically do while I am driving. I could feel like I wasn't really uncomfortable in very many areas in my life. So I asked a question to Him, I asked him to 'Challenge me, show me the things that need to be dealt with, I want to know without a doubt I was taking the road less traveled, that I am following the one true king'.
Emotions got brought up, tough situations arose, relationships were challenged and chains were loosed.
Early in the week I was getting upset and angry at little nit picky things, totally not me. So I began to pray in those moments for God to give me his eyes to see why I had those exact emotions towards those particular people and situations. Bluntly, the truth is I was being selfish. I wasn't concerned with how the situation was affecting the other people involved, I was more worried about what was in it for me, how I could make myself less stressed and more comfortable.
For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul? (Mark 8:36 ESV)
A few days ago I found out that I was losing two of my clients. It was unexpected and i began to think, what was I going to do with my finances now, my income has been slashed drastically, i lost hope for a moment, and I began to doubt. God in that moment brought me back to a time when I trusted him when I didn't know which way to turn. It was like he was saying 'You trusted me in that moment, trust me now'. So I grit my teeth, clench my fist, and told God whole heartedly 'I trust You'. In the moments when the finances don't add up, when the world seems dark, I will trust in Jehovah Jireh, my provider.
I had some very important family come into town this weekend and it was such an awesome experience to see them show me so much love, and to just confirm so many things I had been praying for. Knowing that God places them in my life at that moment to show me a little glimpse of His unconditional love. Knowing that these sacrifices I am making for this next season in my life are all for the kingdom of God, and are being used to bring more people to the kingdom make it all worth it.
So what if I can't buy a new outfit every week.
So what if I have to give up a few cups of Starbucks.
So what if it's not all about me.
So what if I have to leave some friendships in the past.
So what.
God is such a sovereign God, such a Humble God. He created me uniquely and wonderfully for a specific purpose that he designed just for me, for His glory.
I give thanks to you that I was marvelously set apart. Your works are wonderful— I know that very well. (Psalms 139:14 CEB)
I am so in love with my Jesus and can not wait for more tough times, the times that make me a stronger soldier for God's army.
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8MVHkP5Okro
^^^
This song has been playing in my head, it speaks more to me today than it has in my entire life.
My name is Leslie, and I am not a fan.
