This was the place I found my mind venturing into early this morning. Today is Saturday. Ahhhh Saturdays: Sleeping in. Cartoons coupled with a bowl of honey-nut cheerios. Frisbee at the park with some friends, maybe a coffee shop….life is always good on a Saturday. World Race Saturdays? Six AM wake up call. Start sweating at 6:01 (Asia is HUMID). Breakfast with the team before 7, and we’re out the door by 7:30. We’re off to raise a dead woman. [I’m not kidding] Trading in my honey-nut cheerios for rice and plantanes? Okay. Swaping my bed for a sleeping pad and dirty sheet? Totally fine. But replacing Saturday morning cartoons with raising the dead? C’mon. Really? REALLY?
We spent nearly two hours praying over her. Because God didn’t raise her from the dead this morning, I was tempted to think that nothing happened. And so I did. I chose to believe that nothing happened. We walked back to our contact house and finished filming our team movie. After that, we met some beautiful children in the streets and played with them for a while. It was a full day! My mind never had a chance to pray through and process what happened this morning. Until now.
Looking back on the situation, I now realize that God didn’t “do nothing” this morning. He showed me something about myself. I left that dead woman’s tent with a spirit of defeat and exhaustion because I was relying on my own strength to perform God’s miracles. This, of course, is impossible. [Still didn’t stop me from trying.] I’ve since repented, and asked God to redefine my faith. I asked God to build my faith on trust in Him. As I prayed this, God downloaded me with Ephesians 6. Tonight God has shown me that my doubt and defeat come from a failed attempt to fight my own battles. Foolish child.
As God equips me for battle with HIS armor, i’m reminded of the chorus of a familiar worship song:
Into marvelous light i’m RUNNING
OUT of darkness, OUT of shame!
By the cross you are the TRUTH,
YOU are the LIFE,
YOU are the WAY!
Father,
Your armor readies me. I speak it over my body tonight, Lord. Your word is on my tongue! Your word is on my mind! Your word is on my heart! Your word is on my life! Your Word IS my life!! I can’t do this on my own. I’m too tired. I’m too weak. I’m defeated. I’m lacking. I am so sick of trying. I fall short of the victory my heart longs for. That victory is carried through by You alone, God. That victory comes from Your hand. As you reveal to me who You say that I am, as I run out of darkness and shame into Your marvelous light, would you empower me? In Jesus’ name would you grant me confidence? Would you rain on me Your energy, hope, assurance and security in You? Father, my heart DECLARES that the NATIONS will become my King’s Kingdom. And I DECLARE that as we meet these nations, we bring Your presence with us. But before I take my first step, Father…I unleash Your presence over myself. Before I carry it out, I fasten it to myself. I’m clinging to You, Lord. Raise the dead. Or don’t. Either way, I have victory in You. And You have victory over this world. And that’s really all that matters. YOU are the only thing that matters. I get it now, God. I get it. I love you, Abba. I love you. I burn for your name. Amen.
That bruising echo from this morning? It no longer hurts. God gave me a new question to shout this morning: “Who are you, Father?” And if I listen carefully, I can hear bits and pieces of my own identity echoing back at me. Even without the cartoons, this Saturday turned out to be pretty great. Father, YOU are incredible 🙂
SHABACH!!! <><
