Warning: brutal honesty. This post is about my sin. It’s about my lack of love, and my lacking reliance on God.
I woke to the sound of my phone ringing–it was my mom and dad, wanting to say hello. I answered by mumbling something that was supposed to sound like “good morning”. My mom had called to inform me that my (awesome) church was sending out care packages to all of our college students this afternoon. She wanted to know if she could make the hour-long-drive to drop mine off. (My mom is basically awesome). After that, she passed the phone to my dad and he asked me what he always asks me: “Hey Les, how’s fund raising going?” I told him I have $1,760 donated so far, which I didn’t think was a bad start. My parents, however, did not seem very excited. They told me to expect most of the money to come in the first few months, and not to expect much more after that. To them, this was a bad start. They then brought to my attention (again) that if I don’t raise all of my support that I will not be able to go on this trip. This made me angry. I don’t like talking about this, especially with my parents. God will bring in the resources. (He wouldn’t have told me to do this race if He wasn’t going to fund it!) I got frustrated and told my parents that I needed to get up and get ready, and that I needed to hang up the phone.
After talking to them, I went downstairs to make breakfast. I walked around the corner to the kitchen to find a sink full of dirty dishes…and an empty dish washer right next to it. More anger and frustration. (Is it THAT hard to rinse out your bowl and put it in the dishwasher?) The previous morning I had spent over an hour washing dishes that I did not use or leave out. I was angry. I ate breakfast and cleaned the kitchen…again. I packed up all of my homework to go to the library. I forgot one of my books in my room so I ran back inside. When I got to the top of the stairs I saw one of my roommates, Erika, standing in the hallway. I quickly grabbed my book and headed toward the stairs. Then, for some reason, I stopped and looked back at her. I asked her to pray for me–that I wouldn’t be angry at our roommates, frustrated with my parents, and that I wouldn’t doubt God’s financial provision. She looked at me and simply said, “I know. I already did.” Then she smiled and went back into her room. For one second, I wasn’t sure what had just happened. I didn’t see that coming. At all.
I got to the library and checked my email. (Priorities, people!) I had a few facebook “happy valentine’s day, Les!” emails…and then it hit me: today is valentine’s day. It slipped my mind completely. Today is the day we celebrate love. In honor of this cheesy holiday, I grabbed my bible and flipped to 1 John 4. I started reading about God’s love. I started reading about my love. Then I realized that they are one and the same. I also realized that we are called to live in love–not just celebrate it. verses 16 and 17 it says “And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in Him…because in this world we are like Him.”
I carved out a big chunk of my homework time and prayed about love. I prayed that it would fill me, leaving no room for anger, frustration and doubt. I prayed that I would know and rely on this love, GOD’s love, to make me more like Him in this world. I prayed for keener eye’s to see God’s love in situations where it isn’t always obvious. And then…I apologized. This morning, my not-so-keen eyesight failed me. I failed to see God’s love in my mom this morning–she WANTED to drive an HOUR to drop off a silly box of cookies, just so I could see how my church cares for me! I failed to see God’s love in my dad–he’s concerned about my fund raising, and wants to make sure everything is going well. He wants me to succeed in this, and he wants to see me succeed quickly, like any good father wants for his children. I failed to see God’s love in my roommate–she knew exactly what I needed prayer for, and prayed it before I even came to her about it! This morning only sucked for me because I wasn’t intentionally knowing (and seeking) God’s love. And I certainly wasn’t relying on it.
This day is specifically set aside to celebrate love…so today, I will celebrate it with everyone. I will rejoice in the love I’ve received, the love I am able to give, and my saviour who makes both of those things possible. But what about tomorrow? There is nothing significant about February 15. So tomorrow I will set aside time to “know and rely on the love God has for us” because when we do, He is in us, and “in this world, we are like Him”. Will you join me?
