we all know that old saying “when the going gets tough, the tough get going” …too bad that’s not how it worked for me. It’s more like “when the going gets tough, I run as fast as I can in the other direction” which as you can imagine, never leads me anywhere helpful. it actually has kept me in a rut of not accomplishing things that were difficult or required me to push myself. I think I always had this idea that if I didn’t try then I couldn’t fail and then I wouldn’t have to deal with the disappointment of not getting it right.
Ever since May when I found out I was accepted into the Race, that all started changing. God has been breaking me so I can become who He needs me to be. He’s been changing my heart and my spirit. I no longer fear failure. I’m realizing it’s such a natural and needed part of growing spiritually and mentally. I’ve been put through tests where I didn’t come out on top and guess what, I still lived! While the process of learning this hasn’t been the most pleasant, I’m glad I’m free from the fear and able to accept failure and not only move on but learn while doing so.
These past few months have put my mind and my heart through the ringer. I’ve thought just about everything possible about this race. At times I have had so much anxiety and second thoughts that I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to go anymore.
There was a day in the middle of July where I was just overwhelmed with confusion. Our deadlines had been moved up and suddenly I felt the pressure of “crunch time”. I was bogged down thinking that maybe this wasn’t right after all. the devil took that thought and ran with it. he’s good about fitting into your thoughts and turning them around to where you can’t determine what thoughts are yours or not, He likes to make things as mucky and confusing as possible because It’s easier to deter you from gods will that way.
I sent a text out to my family asking for prayer because I was suddenly so overwhelmed and my brother knew I was struggling so he called so I could talk it out. I told him how our deadlines had been moved up by a couple weeks and I didn’t think I could finish everything I needed to have done by then. He mentioned praying about which route to go on and that maybe January isn’t when God wants me to go but maybe a later one like July or September of 2015.
For a moment I let myself my mind run with that thought. If I leave in January I’d have to come up with $7,500 before the end of the year. Is that doable? Can I even get my financial means met before then? I mean, If I left on the later route I’d have longer to fundraise, longer to save money and longer to prep. But within one swoop god shot that idea out. He told me that He called me to this particular route and that I could spend the rest of my life prepping for this race and still never be fully ready. If I wait for the moment that is best suited to me and my needs, ill never end up going. I’m stubbornly learning that God works on his time and his time only. And He always provides.
Matthew 6:26-27 “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?”
Ever since then I’ve been so peaceful about the whole deal. I know where god is calling me and I know he provides, so I’m just following his direction and going with the flow. While my first deadline is slowly creeping up on me, I have full confidence that I will get the funds needed.
with that being said, if you want to support me in my race, my first deadline is about 3 weeks away! I need to have a total of $3,500. I’m currently at $1015 and can use all the help I can get! There’s a couple different ways to donate. You can do a bank draft/ debit card draft through my blog or mail in a check to:
Adventures In Missions
P.O. Box 742570
Atlanta, GA 30374-2570
if you donate by check please make sure you have my full name in the memo line so it gets credited to my account!
I pray that god continually blesses each and every one of you who reads this blog. thank you for taking the time to read my cluttered thoughts and follow my journey!
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