it’s the night before training camp and I am so excited I can’t even sleep! I keep getting those waves of butterflies every time I think about how I’ve made it so far, it still doesn’t feel completely real! I know to most who read this it may seem like “ok, so you made it to camp, what’s the big deal?” I’ll tell you!
For me, I struggle with never feeling like I’m good enough. It’s a terrible mindset that far too many people fight and I’m no exception. I’m doing that stupid thing where I mentally compare myself to everyone whose around me and I always come out on bottom.
when I signed up for the world race it felt like it was going to be a fluke like any other big plans Ive made for my life. When I got accepted it felt like a joke that would eventually lead me to disappointment. When I was struggling to meet my first deadline, that little nagging voice that always tells me I’ll never accomplish anything starting getting louder. I prayed to god and finally handed my stress over and, what do you know, the pieces started falling into place. I met my deadline (by $680 more than required, how awesome is that!) and yet it still didn’t feel real. But as I got into the car with a fellow teammate and started our journey to camp today all the feelings started surfacing.
and honestly theres a lot of doubt that I’m struggling with. Am I strong enough mentally, physically, spiritually to get through this? What if my teammates and I don’t mesh like I hoped we would? What if god doesn’t show up at camp and I’m there wondering if this is suppose to be happening? I think these are some pretty standard fears that people get before camp so I’m not dwelling on those. What I am dwelling on is the thought that god thinks i am enough. He thinks I’m enough to send on this crazy adventure. He thinks I’m enough to have other invest their time, prayer and money into me and my mission. He thinks I’m enough to help me battle the dark thoughts that try to destroy my walk with him. He thinks I’m enough to love me even though I fail him daily. That is insane. The fact that he sees my continuous flaws and still chose me for this race, wow! I wish we could all see ourselves how god sees us. Could you imagine what that would be like?
I can tell you that all the fears I have are absolutely true. I’m not prepared mentally, physically or spiritually for any part of training camp but, I guess that’s why they call it training. God doesn’t call the qualified, he qualifies the called. Which is why I believe that the leslie that enters camp tomorrow and the leslie that leaves camp next Sunday will be two totally different people and I am so ready. I can’t wait to see god move not only in me but my teammates as well. gods got some big plans in store for us and I can’t wait to watch it unfold!
I ask that you lift me and my fellow teammates in prayer as we continue our journey to Georgia for camp. Pray for safety and well being. Pray that while we are there we let god completely move in our lives and be open to what he has prepared for us. I can’t wait to update you guys on my camp experience and I hope you continue to follow this journey!
as always, if you want to contribute to my mission trip there’s a “support me” tab where you can click to give online or instructions on how to send in a check. I’m in need of $3380 by December 18th in order to launch. please consider helping me!
until next time
–xoxo–
