I don’t like being wrong.
The Lord has grown me in this area, but I can still argue and reason you into believing I’m right even when I know I’m completely wrong. Some might call this manipulation, I like to refer to it as persuasion.
I’ve stopped using my stubbornness to get my way (for the most part) and have tried to channel it into fighting for justice in areas where it is lacking.
Why is this even important?
The fear of being wrong is just that: FEAR. It often affects how I make decisions and my relationship with the Lord. I’ll think I hear Him say something like “Go this way” or “Go tell that girl such and such”. Instead of doing it, I will stand there and come up with 10 reasons why I am only hearing my own voice and that it must not be right.
So I stay put like my feet are in cement, unable to move because I’m afraid I am going to go tell that person the word I got for them and they are going to look at me like I’m crazy.
Before I came to Adventures in Missions a few months ago, I was so deep in fear that I wasn’t even sure I was hearing the Lord at all. It was a miracle that He was able to get me to go to Georgia in the first place. I was in and then I was out and then I was in again. I kept replaying over in my head, “Lesley, you are crazy. This is too much. Why would you move so far away from your home? And fundraise again? This can’t be right.”
Over and over.
Until one day, I got up the courage to say no to the fear and yes to what I heard the Lord say. I decided to trust that if I took steps in the direction of moving to Georgia and He didn’t want me there that it simply wouldn’t happen.
The courage I had to say yes was only because of the Lord.
He said: “Lesley, have I ever failed you? Have I ever led you somewhere you shouldn’t have been? Why are you wavering when you know that I am for you?“
It is something so simple, yet so hard for me to remember when I begin to worry that I’m making the wrong choice or saying the wrong thing.
The Lord has been so faithful to continue to speak to me since I’ve been at Adventures. Sometimes I still wait a little bit longer than I should when He gives me a word for someone else, but I’m learning. I’m learning to be confident and I’m also learning that there is grace in the times that I am wrong.
I learned a big lesson in grace while deciding if I should squad lead. That is coming in Part 2.
I am still in need of $4,550 to cover gear, vaccinations, and personal expenses while on squad leading. If you would like to help with that, I have venmo and paypal. Contact me at [email protected] for more info!
