I have been wanting to write this blog for the last 3 months, but could never put the right words together; and I still don’t think I have all the right words but now I can clearly state my “thoughts, feels, and concerns.”
Everyone and their mom has their own opinions about ‘people who leave the race.’ Some will say that it’s not God’s plan, that he wouldn’t put you in a situation to only make you quit. Whereas others would say that God didn’t plan an 11 month trip for me he only planned a ( Fill in the blank) month mission trip, or God is leading me down another path and this was only for a season. Whatever you have it, there are so many thoughts, opinions, ideas, lies, and truths that are placed on those who don’t stick out the full 11 months and leave early; and none of us can determine what is right and what is wrong…we’re not God.
So with that said, I am not going to tell you about my personal opinions(honestly, I am still on the fence) but from someone that has had not 1, not 2, BUT 3 teammates leave the race I would love to tell you how I felt in the moment, how I feel now, and the impact it has had on my race.
Okay…you still with me? Good!
From the end of April to the middle of May I had 3 teammates leave the race; two had been on my team for 4 months and the other for about 2 and a half weeks. I think whatever community or environment you are in, having 3 people around leave basically at the same time is hard to swallow.
When my first teammate left I was prepared, and I knew that she had been pursuing not what only made her happy but that she was following after the voice of the Father. She had allowed other to come alongside her on her journey, whether that be for wisdom or prayer, she didn’t rush into it she waited to her Abba Father’s voice. I got the opportunity to pray with her, love her, and hug her a lot. She wasn’t happy on the race, she had no idea what she had gotten herself into(none of us did), and so for her staying was not an option. So I am thankful that she waited until another door was open, I am happy that instead of her going back home to comfortableness she decided to give Jesus another chance.
When my second teammate left it had been unexpected but at the same time not really a surprise. We had been on a team for 4 months and were assigned to be on teams again for another 3 months; that was until she made an ‘Irish exit.’ Leaving in the middle of the night to catch a plane home back to the states. Because of the abrupt way that she left I didn’t get to pray with her, I didn’t get to hear about the path she felt the Lord calling her on, I think the worst part was that I didn’t even get to say goodbye. Like the teammate before she also was not happy on the race, and had a lot of reservations about the way things were done, and the people around her. Things had gotten so out of her control, that staying was also not an option.
When my third teammate left I was sad for her and I was sad to see her go, because she didn’t not want to leave, she wanted to be on the race, and finish this crazy adventure well. She ended up getting sick and having to have surgery, later she had to go home where her doctor refused to allow her to come back. She was on my team for a few weeks before we found out she would not be coming back, we got to pray for her, with her over skype, and really just love and encourage her from miles and miles away. She has been home for 3 months now and just like everything else, God made beauty out of Ashes!
Now hear my heart on this, I don’t write these to gossip or make fun, I write these because in this moment I believe the Lord has them all where he wants them, and from all of those hard and sometimes confusing moments Abba Father has grown me.
