Nothing could have prepared me for what God was going to do in my life and the lives of each individual in my squad during the one week spent in the middle of nowhere Georgia. Hearts were healed, chains were broken, and fifty-one complete strangers became a family.
Here is a part of what God began to do in my life over the past week:
Before even stepping foot onto the camp where training would be held the enemy had already begun to attack me. I was being fed lies such as "You aren't going to fit in." "Once anyone here gets to know you they will not want to spend a year with you." While I knew in my heart that these things were not true I was drawing into myself scared to let these strangers get to know me. I didn't want to let them see my weakness. I needed to have everything together before I let them in.
These were not new lies that I was being fed, but ones that I have struggled with for many years. Lies that I thought I had placed at God's feet several times, but lies that each time I had stubbornly held onto.
Throughout the week I heard the phrase, "Healed people, heal people." In some ways this scared me, in order to be healed I was going to have to open up to these "strangers". I was going to have to let my weaknesses show. For several days I argued with God. I didn't want to deal with my wounds at camp, couldn't we wait till I got home? I wanted to be in the privacy of my own room, alone, God and me.
But that wasn't going to work, these "strangers" were going to be my family for the next year. Living in such close community they are going to be able to see my weaknesses regardless of how I work to cover them. I may as well become comfortable with being raw with this new family sooner than later.
As I was sitting there all I could think was, "He loves me because He loves me because He loves me." With this I began to weep and as I sat there I heard God say to me:
You are my child. I want you to be who you are because I created you in love. Each characteristic I fashioned. Each unique part I created for a purpose. No need to strive and work to be perfect because I created you in my image. You are my beloved daughter. Nothing you can do will make me love you less, nothing you can do can make me love you more. Rest in me, come to me as you are. The cross was for you. My sacrifice was because I love you so much. It was for you. The value of your life was settled at the cross. You were worth it. You are worth it. I am in you and you are in Me. You're not what anyone else wants you to be, you're what I hold for you. I am not a religious performance, I am a relationship. I am LOVE. You don't have to preform in front of me. I bring FREEDOM. You have FREEDOM.
God was speaking truth into my soul and finally I was ready to let go of the lies I had held onto for so long. Healing had begun.
And it was only Tuesday morning…
