Boarding the bus, I was meagerly prepared for eight hours on the Tilt-O-Whirl. It was the kind of ride when you white-knuckle-grip the seat and close your eyes to pray that you will make it out alive and your breakfast will stay down. I am not exaggerating when I say I was flying out of my chair… a helmet would have been nice. I would peek open the window curtain every now and then with fingers-crossed to see the sign for “Portoviejo”.
Unfortunately, that is how life has felt lately. I am holding on to make it through each day, really just wanting to be at the end destination. The twists and the turns are not the glamorized selling points in the World Race promo video. I close my eyes to endure what I must. The problem with closing your eyes is that you miss the beauty along the way.
Yes, there is adventure. Yes, there is ministry. Yes, there are so many cultures to experience and learn from. BUT there are rules. There are people you will be forced to live with that you will not appreciate. There are weird foods you are served and weight you will gain. There are miserable climates you will have to endure. And there are bus rides that make you want to vomit.
SUCH IS LIFE. Pausing long enough to stop and smell the flowers is always a choice, even on the World Race.
Succumbing to the lack of free will that maintains your welcome presence on the Race is a daily battle for me. I am Miss Independent. My mama will tell you it has been that way since Day One. I am more than capable of taking care of myself (well, me and the grace of God… I won’t deny there have been some close calls trying to cross the street). I have confidence in who I am in Christ, who He created me to be, what He has called me to do, and what capabilities He has armed me with. I am always striving to know Him more and to be more inclined to hearing His voice and living in His will. These definitive statements about myself ring so true at home, but I doubt their solidarity when defining myself in this context. In this context, my new identity is highly influenced by a team of people assigned to be my “community”. The World Race denotation of community is quite different than the few blocks surrounding your home, rather those you wake and sleep and eat and live and share and work and go to the bathroom with.
Sometime amidst these past nine smothering months, I became overwhelmed by the ordinary troubles of this supposedly extraordinary journey. What I am doing this year is supposed to be great, right?? Why am I not feeling like I am walking in the freedom of the Lord? Why am I looking forward to home more than tomorrow? Why am I constantly surrounded by people but feel more lonely than I have ever known?
Because… when the enemy sees a man seeking righteousness, He attacks.
I have to be on my A game now more than ever. I have to choose the Lord’s strength and be wise enough to stop. To quit counting down on the calendar and and smell the flowers TODAY. To be still and know that He is God. He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. I am the same person he created me to be here that I am confident in at home. I do not have to agree with the rules. I do not have to agree with all of my teammates. I do not have to eat all of the rice on my plate. I do not have to enjoy the weather or the busses. The devil tries to make me miserable telling me that these are things that matter—that peace is only possible when all these ducks are in a row.
Life is not always fun. Things that do not make “sense” on surface level often have a deeper, more significant meaning with the Lord. The isolation I feel now will help me in empathy with a counseling client later in life. I am honestly so blessed to have wonderful family and friends to miss so much. I have to work with my team—whether or not I like them every single moment, I am always called to love them. I am physically present here, but I have to actively offer my hands and feet for the service to which the Lord has called me. This month, I have to rely on the joy of the Lord to bring encouragement to a church in the middle of a city that experienced a natural disaster. Yet, at the same time, I have to open my eyes big enough to learn from their faithfulness in the midst of struggle and hardship. The enemy will not win.
I am weary. I am worn down. It has been over eight months of more on-the-go than my body knows how to handle.
God is showing me we all have limits. Reminding me everyday that I can’t be Miss Independent —I’ve got to put on the Armor of God. Reminding me to be mindful of Satan’s deceitful scheming… and reminding me to pay it no mind. To stop and smell the flowers. To take rest in His easy yoke with His light burden.
I don’t want to miss the beautiful views along the way. I want to be touched in the Sunday morning service here in Portoviejo that can only be compared to the flooded churches after 9/11. I want to get chill bumps when they sing “Greater things are yet to come in this city”. I want to stand in awe of the faithfulness of the Lord in protecting all 1,000 souls that attend Templo Metropolitano Alianza when over 400 died in the 58 second earthquake that literally knocked this city off their feet. I want to have a soft heart when I hear the woman’s story about laying under the kitchen table and grasping in the dark for her elderly father’s hand as things fell all around them. But I can’t see all these things if my eyes are closed.
58 seconds is all it took to change their world. To have friends and family die. To have their homes destroyed. Their businesses gone. Its been said before and it will be said again…life is short. You have to enjoy what is in front of you while it is still there.
I see buildings still standing right next to piles of rubble, and I know what the difference is. Foundation. The Lord has given me deep roots and wills me to stay true to them. 2 Timothy 3:14-15 says “But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.”
I am strong enough in my faith that not even a 7.8 on the Richter scale can knock me down. I have Jesus to carry me when my two feet are not able to stand. And if ever I am too stubborn to let Him pick me up, He is still there with outreached hand to dust me off and pull me to my feet again.
There is no place for the devil’s scheming here. I’m done with this Tilt-O-Whirl.
