I feel compelled to write about my journey to where I am now- preparing for the world race. Honestly the decision to go has been something I’ve been wrestling with for the last couple of months…I’ve had a lot of fears, doubts and concerns which is the primary reason I waited quite a while before finishing my application.
I first heard about the world race in November 2008 and immeadiately thought wow, what an amazingly cool thing to do. It seemed to combine my passions of ministry and travel. I looked into it but didn’t sense the Lord’s stamp of approval, if you will. But I didn’t sense His disapproval either, He just seemed silent. So for about 6 weeks, maybe more, I was tossed around in waves of excitement, doubt, anticipation, frustration, questions, fears, hoping that God would give me a very obvious “Yes, GO” or “No, do something else”. I think the biggest reason I was looking for this type of affirmation is because a few years ago when I went on a mission trip God made it obvious that that was exactly what I needed to be doing, through sermons and conviction of the Holy Spirit. But no such feeling now. Everyone I mentioned this to thought it was a cool thing to do. Or “do it now before you’re married with children” But what does God specifically want me to do? Ok so I know to preach the gospel to the nations is Christ’s last command on earth…but is living out of a big back pack for a year really what I should do? Only crazy people do that. (Yes, I just called all of my teammates crazy). I had the phone interview and was asked about the Lord’s calling and expressed that it wasn’t clear….later Caroline encouraged me to go for it unless I was sensing a definate “no” from the Lord. I knew I would regret it if I didn’t go…or at least attempt to go…and my dad said “You’re not going to be called the same way every time.” So I felt a little better but still very unsure at times. Continued waves of uncertainty..and prayers seeking God’s call. Reading blogs and am dumbstruck and/or balling with stories world racers being robbed or being asked by a mother with HIV to take care of her child. This is intense. Keep praying and hoping to sense God’s call to the World Race.
So I’ve been reading Luke as part of a Beth Moore Bible study…Luke 9 begins with Jesus sending out the 12 disciples…with nothing. Take nothing for the journey-no staff, no bag, no bread, no money, no extra tunic. Compared to this list I’m taking a lot. I was challenged to follow and trust Him, wherever He leads, even if it seems crazy. Beth Moore also expressed that many times we can confuse task and calling..its as if God was telling her (and me), ” I do not want you surrendered to an assignment. I want you surrendered to Me.” I realized that God did not want me “hung up” on the kind of assignment He would give me…My calling was to be abandoned to HIM. All this made me realize that being obedient and surrendered to the Lord day in and day out is more important than an 11 month mission trip or any other task for that matter. This changed my whole perspective. Honoring God in the way I live is important today, while I”m on the world race and 30 years from now. By clouding my view of a specific calling, He showed me a broader calling that lasts for more than a season.
I have been called to surrender all to Christ and blessed with this opportunity to practice.
