I am used to physical reconstruction and have a high tolerance for pain. I thought this would be simple, be changed and become new and improved. When you add spiritual reconstruction to the mix it becomes a whole new ball game. The following words were my initial reaction to the idea of healing back in September.
As I lay here waiting for the doctor,
I am fearful for what it is to come.
I know that it is always what I wanted,
but don’t know if I’m quite ready yet.
Cumulus clouds provide me with protection and a comfortable place to lay.
Fluffy, soft and cozy.
I look towards the door and realize I am not ready after all.
I know that you will not force me through anything
I am not able to handle.
Your wisdom and grace surpass my wants
and provide for all my needs.
I await to be healed and know that it will happen at the perfect time.
I feel you holding my hand, comforting me as Your will is being done.
I’ve realized that I tried to skip out of preparing
myself- heart, mind and soul- for this transformation.
When we first arrived in Ireland (September) our squad went through a training on healing, legs grew and backs were healed right before our eyes. It was such a neat experience to see God healing. I’ve never seen it happen before but while watching it I never doubted that it was God. It was reassuring to see that He can do the impossible.
A couple of days later, as I was talking to a squad mate she brought up the idea of praying as a squad for me to be able to smell, which was exciting yet scared me. I knew I would never take it for granted and be constantly reminded of His healing power and love for me. Fear overwhelmed me shortly afterward, the idea of my senses be over stimulated fluttered through my mind. My fears were relieved when I realize God’s timing is perfect. He gives us each unique talents to serve Him, according to His plan. We just have to practice patience, trusting Him through the hard times knowing that our faith will grow stronger.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.
