It's hard to live in community.
It never really occurred to me what living in community really until about two weeks ago. I had been dealing with a difficult spiritual struggle on my own (upcoming blog) and it had been draining me, altering my attitude. At night I would just lay in bed, thinking and crying out to God for help. Both nights I looked over at my roommates and thought about waking them up but dismissed the idea and carried on in my solitude. I never mustered up the courage to ask for any kind of help until the storm had passed.The second night, God told me that the people that He has surrounded me with are there to comfort me and help me grow. There is a reason that we are traveling as a squad or as a team. We are meant to live together, through the hard and easy times. We are all a part of the body of Christ and together we supposed to celebrate the joys and happy times, as well as support those who may be struggling and experiencing pain.
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
Colossians 3:12-14
I have always internalized frustrations and weaknesses, never really verbalizing how I felt before. It has been hard to change my ways and it definitely hasn't been easy. Living in this community has made it somewhat easier for me, but I still found it discouraging to show my true feelings and felt like a burden to others around me. Especially when they already have an itinerary.
Over the next couple of days someone lovingly approached me and verbalized how I had been living. I was told that I had not been letting people get to know me thoroughly. Yes, I would share my joys and successes but very rarely (if at all) had I shared my weaknesses and struggles. I had experienced the pain of not embracing community but had not learned the lesson the first time. Although God did not get through the first time, He kept trying and went the more direct route by telling it to me straight through someone who truly cares about me enough to confront me. He never gives up on us.
Since then I have felt more comfortable to be myself, reaching out getting to know people beyond the surface and letting people get to know more about me. I have felt such a relief of pressure just from being open and confident in the idea that this community of believers is together to love each other for their true personalities. It will be a continuous lesson of learning how to show weakness in order to find strength.
It was hard for me to…
open up new boxes of cereal
cry in front of somebody
humble myself to ask for help
bring down walls that have kept people from pouring into me
accept that this is a community of love
…. but completely worth it.
As a result of being vulnerable and letting others invest in my life I have been able to pour into others' lives and the idea of community has come full circle. It is amazing that by simply changing my attitude and being willing to break down walls, letting my true colors show, how much my joy, love and appreciation for others has increased. Living in community is not an 8-5 job, it does not end when you leave the ministry site; it continues 24 hours/ 7 days a week. Someone is always willing to be there to listen, laugh, cry and encourage you through celebrations and trials. This community has provided more comfort to me than I ever expected. I've learned more about myself by living in community outside of my comfort zone, just to help expand my comfort zone.
One of my weaknesses is admitting that I can not do it on my own and being willing to ask for help. On October 1 we are required to have $11,000 in our account with AIM. I have tried to think of ways to raise the money but the fact of the matter is it would be difficult without your prayers. Y'all have blessed me immensely, just by reading my thoughts, feelings and following along as I learn more about our Creator, who loves us, more about how much He loves me unconditionally and is working through struggles I never even thought I had. Together we are an army for the Lord, and without y'all I would not be here today. Pray that doors would be open and funds would be found so that I can continue to learn from these wonderful men and women of God and have the chance to encounter life-changing, cultural shock experiences.
