It'll clear the bitterness away
It can even set a prisoner free
There is no end to what it's power can do
So, let it go and be amazed
By what you see through eyes of grace
The prisoner that it really frees is you
-Matthew West, Forgiveness; Album: Into the Light
The month of May has been full, allowing little time for me to relax and process the transition. In a time-span of two weeks I graduated from college, moved home, and flew to Georgia for training camp. Graduation seemed unreal, it had taken five years to come, and it was still hard to fully grasp that I was actually done. It wasn’t until I saw the diploma with my name on it that the idea seemed more realistic to me.
Along the journey of student teaching, I made mistakes that not only affected me but the students and cooperating teacher as well, and I thought that those mistakes would hold me back from completing my degree. I tried to bury the regret, move on and forget about it but it was impossible. I finally dealt with it at training camp. I can still see Him handing the brown, wooden shovel to me and digging up mistakes and lessons that I learned while student teaching. Once they were finally surfaced, He jokingly kept telling me that “I forgave you, you graduated,” until I finally comprehended and had to start laughing at myself. As I finally forgave myself I realized two things:
1) The only one who has the power to define you is GOD.
2) The importance of forgiving yourself.
It wasn’t until the hole was empty that I was fully ready and committed to moving forward. I craved more of Him than I ever have before, I wanted to fill the hole with the one and only who would be most beneficial to my healing and well-being. Over and over, I kept repeating the prayer, “All of you Lord and none of me.” The power of His strength and fulfillment started softly and then crescendo-ed into a strong, powerful clear voice of comfort and healing. I felt rejuvenated, ready to love and be loved. I found a deeper, lasting source of passion and empathy for my squad and team.
Application: Pick up the shovel. Reveal the hard times that you have not dealt with appropriately. Once you finally treat the root of the problem and not the symptoms, you will feel relieved and be able to truly move forward.
Please continue to pray for all racers as launch, July 4, gets closer. Our hearts and lives have been changed and will continue to change as we face challenges, especially as we get back to reality.
I am truly blessed by each and every one of you. I’m very grateful for the prayers and financial support that you have given thus far. It has been an amazing and humbling experience raising support. I’ve learned more about his gracious and provisions through this journey than ever before. Thank you for all of the continuous support.
