March 3, 2013
My Journal reads:
“Lord, God, Fear sucks! Why can’t I jump Lord?, I just want peace. I get so mad at myself Lord. Is it just something I feel like I need to obtain Lord? Lord fill me with your presence. I confess I have been trying to do things on my own Lord. This is something I can’t control. I feel so angry that I am afraid, I am afraid of fear. I don’t even know what that means. Sweep me away in your love. I wish I could bungee and conquer my fear. Sometimes the lord wants us to take a leap of faith. Lord could I do it? Could I really do it ? Could I do it, could I really do it; why do I want to? Because I think I can’t? Lord be my comfort. I know people will love me if I don’t bungee and I know you will love me, but will I regret it? I don’t think I will ever do it if I don’t today.”
I sat on the floor crying staring at the bungee bridge. What did I have to prove?
I was so non-committal, but climbed the stairs with Sheri, Danny, Cmart, and Henry. Sheri and Danny would tandem first and then our bud Henry from NJ would go next. I sat on the bridge with Cait, (she was my moral support) watching them, feeling extreme peace.
I kept saying I just couldn’t picture myself doing this? I don’t know what the free fall will feel like? I wanted to have control over this situation and there was none in sight.
It was my turn; 46 members of K-squad crammed around the edge of the pavilion and chanted, “Lele, Lele, Lele!”
I said, “I can’t do this!” Bungee man 1 said, “Let’s take this one step at a time.”
I stood up and put my feet through the harness. “Can I still back out I asked?”
“Just sit down,” Bungee man 2 said, “One step at a time,“ said Bungee 1.
Cait just smiled and said, “You can do this, It’s all going to be great!”
They tucked and tied, attached, and secured. It was time to stand up. I started to cry and the squad started to sing. “I Believe I Can fly” flooded the grounds.
Feet strapped together I scooted toward the edge. There were so many people talking and coaxing, “I just need a minute.”
Closer and closer to the edge I went. K squad went nuts, chanting, yelling encouragement and singing.
Bungee 1 on my left and Bungee 2 on my right, they each took an arm and held it parallel to the ground. My toes were curled over the edge of the platform. I can only imagine the look of pain on my face (actually I don’t have to there are pictures) as I concluded I was going to do this and stood staring at fear. I asked the bungee men, “What if I just jump right now am I all set?” “Yes,” they said.
“K SQUAD I NEED YOU TO WARRIOR,” I yelled. The debrief on the lawn to my right stopped and stood, along with the people on the pavilion and 56 people started to pray at the top of their lungs. Prayers in unison filled the air.
There was no official countdown: prayers to heaven, that was my cue, the peace of the Lord was upon me and down I went. Prayers turned into wild hoots and hollers.
Eyes squeezed shut and teeth clenched. Adrenaline, mixed with peace, and freedom filled me. The cord tugged and I knew I had done it. My eyes flew open as I began to recoil, gymnast pose all the way, shouting praise to the Lord.
"THANK YOU JESUS," I yelled.
This was a victory, this was freedom, this was losing control, and this was trusting in the Lord.
Sometimes in life the Lord does call us to take leaps of faith. He asks us to go where it’s uncomfortable and to trust him. He doesn’t give us all the information and we are often not prepared. He doesn’t promise us it will be easy, but he does promise us we won’t be alone. God will catch us when we fall.
*pics to come
