“For am I now trying to win the favor of people, or God? or am I striving to please people? If I were still trying to please people I wouldn’t be a servant of Christ”
-Galatians 1:10
I met up with most of my squad 6 weeks after returning home from the field at project searchlight (PSL) This was a week long event that AIM hosts to help racers transition home from the 11 month journey and to allow time to process the next direction for life.
Going into that week I felt pretty confident that my next step was to get to Latin America as fast as I could. But little did I know, this isn’t happening until much further down the road.
During that week God told me that I was doing CGA (center for global action) next and by next He meant in a week. He confirmed it SO many times- and through SO many people that I couldn’t ignore this, even if I wanted to.
Believe me, I tried
My old friends, doubt and fear, came back– I tried to tell myself, I shouldn’t do this now, I just need lots of time to “figure this out” (whatever that means)
I don’t qualify for this, I don’t have the gear or materials for this (blah blah blah)
But the most crippling thoughts were:
what are people at home going to think about this?
will they say I jumped too fast?
will they think I’m irresponsible?
do they think I just need to calm down?
do they want me to stay at home?
what would they want me to do?
I should just stay home.
That’s when God basically yelled and said: these ideas in your head that you keep saying no to, are not yours to deny. They’re mine!
More often than not, I get so insanely wrapped up in this people pleasing thing, I worry so much about what others will think about my decisions or maybe even what they would do in my place, and I end up talking myself out of what I know God wants me to do.
I’ve learned its not only annoying– it’s destructive!!
Why do I look to see what others around me are thinking or what they might say about my choices? When God is over here waving His arms and saying, I thought you and I were in this together?
I don’t know if you have ever tried to make everybody around you happy and calm, like I have but we have to learn that its not a realistic way to live life. God always has our backs! He is guiding, if we would just take a deep breath and look for Him.
So here I am, at CGA, and I made it in a week–after taking this spontaneous feeling, plunge into Georgia, God has confirmed almost daily that I’m in the right place for now.
He has given me this incredible opportunity to learn and get more training here- and I’m not going to waste it by trying to live out what I think everybody else wants, I am living for Christ.
