After I didn’t think this week could get any worse, I was hit with another blow. I burst into tears, my heart was completely shattered. There was so much pain. I just wanted it to be a dream, that I would wake up and everything would be back to normal. But it wasn’t.
Our last week in Vietnam was already emotional with the thought of leaving the students we had become close friends with but while checking a message from my mom, I had learned my aunt had passed away from cancer. I knew she had cancer but I didn’t know it was to the point where she was in hospice. I was devastated. I had so many mixed emotions. It’s hard to balance being sad she’s gone but trying to be happy that she is now in heaven with Jesus, pain free. I also found myself mad at my family for not telling me about her being in hospice. That was the enemy rerouting my emotions. He didn’t want me to be happy that my aunt is standing in the presence of God but instead, he wanted me to find someone to blame and I took it out on my parents. I was very angry and hurt for a couple days until God got a hold of me again and changed my perspective.
My aunt Carole was one of the most humble people I knew. She was so cheerful and had such a giving heart. We will all miss her but she got the best present ever, eternity in paradise.
While I was grieving my aunt passing away, Nolan, a little boy that I have babysat for since he was born, was having surgery to remove cancer from his lung. I was in constant prayer for him. I firmly believed God would heal his body. But not in the way I was expecting.
I woke up on April 1st, with a text from my mom to call her as soon as I woke up. Immediately I knew something was wrong. My heart began to race. I opened Facebook, just to read that Nolan had passed away. I called my mom in complete shock and devastation. I was so distraught and in tears, I couldn’t believe it. My team immediately surrounded and comforted me. I didn’t understand. Nolan’s surgery went very well, why all of the sudden did he die? I had no answers. My heart was shattered all over again. I cried out to God, why did he have to be taken? He was supposed to be a soccer player when he grew up. But he would never grow up. He would remain 3 forever. Nolan would never have another birthday, he would never play soccer, he would never get married. There clinically, there there wasn’t any reason why Nolan passed away. I just kept saying, I don’t understand.
It took a few days for me to process what happened and in that time, God really worked on my heart. I would cry anytime someone would ask me how I was doing but after a few days, God healed my heart and I was able to feel some joy again. If it wasn’t for God healing my heart, I would still be angry and grieving. I was able to accept what happened and that Nolan was in heaven, playing soccer with Jesus. There’s nothing better than that. I miss Nolan very much and I think about him almost every day. He was an incredible boy and very special to me and was loved by so many people. He was a great little brother to his older brothers and a great son to his parents. We will always remember Nolan’s unique personality and his stubborn will but most of all, his laughter. I’ll always love and miss you, my Noli. I’ll see you again one day!
