I never understood what missionaries meant when they said re-entry back into the states was so difficult or why being out on the mission field made relationships back home so hard. I heard their best efforts of explaining, even read a few blogs about it, but never truly understood until I came out on to the field myself. So maybe this blog might not make sense to those at home either, but I want to do my best to try and explain how to keep up relationships with a friend on the field.
A little backstory as to why I think this is so important first. Deciding to leave your home for an extended period of time is no easy task. You recognize that you will be missing out on important things back home and you have to accept that. But then new things pop up, life continues on for friends and family back home, and it starts to get harder and harder to cope with being away.
You never really get used to being away from those you love. Of course we are also experiencing big changes in our lives out here on the field, too. The problem is, most people don’t actually ask you about it or know how to approach a conversation with you anymore.
So here are my tips if you have a friend or family member on the mission field:
1. Follow their journey!
Trust me, I know it is difficult to truly commit to reading a person’s blog (especially if they are pretty frequent or lengthy). But it is also our only way of keeping people back home involved in the different aspects of our lives. I talk about how I am feeling personally, what my day looks like, the people I meet, and the struggles I see. Because of our unique opportunity there is a lot to cover, which means it will be really difficult to come home at the end and answer the question, “so how was the trip?” That is a loaded question, and honestly, my best answer will probably be to go back and read my blogs.
We take time and effort to share our personal stories so that when we get home, people already know what our experiences were and we don’t have to try and answer with a vague description of what 11 months abroad felt like.
2. Keep up with them!!
Yes, we are supposed to stay focused and present on what is happening around us, but at this point in the Race life just feels normal to us. We are waking up, working, and doing what has become our normal routine just like people back home do, our routine just looks a little different than yours. That doesn’t mean it is any more or less important or that we don’t want to hear about what is happening back home just as much as we hope you care about what is happening to us over here.
I miss hearing the random events of a person’s day or funny stories that happened at work, no matter how small they may seem in your own opinion. It helps me to feel normal and still connected back home to know that someone cares enough to share those things with me. Just like it will be difficult for me to answer what happened over the course of 11 months, it will be just as difficult for you to answer when I ask. So keeping up with each other, even if it is just a monthly update, will help both people feel included in the other’s life even while separated.
3. Understand every conversation doesn’t have to be focused on what God is doing in your life…
Yes, we are missionaries and our daily focus is serving God and growing in our faith. That doesn’t make us any different than people back home. In all honesty, every single person is called to live missionally regardless of what your job title is or where you live. That is not a dig, just another perspective to show that we aren’t as different as people think.
Living on the field truly does become normal after awhile and we enjoy having normal conversations just as much as people back home. We don’t always sit around in circles and pray or talk about Jesus 24/7! We still like to laugh, watch our favorite TV shows, hear about the small things that happened that made us smile or cry. And to be honest, sometimes when we talk to people back home we are craving a break from talking about spiritual things for once.
Long story short, please just treat us the same as if we were still living back in the states, except instead of meeting up in person all the time, we meet up through blogs, updates or occasional video calls! Life is hard when you feel like everyone back home is moving on without you, treating us like we are still a part of the changes can help more than you know.
Also, I have to give a big shout out to my friends and family who are truly seeking me out and helping me to feel a part of their lives as much as possible. You have no idea the impact that makes on me and helps give me the strength to finish the Race well! Thank you for all those who follow my blogs and continue to comment or message me about how our journey’s are aligning in new ways, especially those I didn’t know very well before I left. It means the world to me that I have gained new relationships even from abroad!
One of my squadmates, Lindsey, wrote this blog.I thought it was very well written as well as incredibly accurate so I wanted to share! It’s hard being on the mission field, as Lindsey says, because as we live our lives here, everyone is living their lives back home as usual as well. The farther along we get in this journey the easier it gets sometimes to feel forgotten or just completely fall into the FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) part of life and wish you could be there for weddings, or birthdays, or holidays. It’s just really easy to feel very out of the loop!
Im going to try to get a blog out at some point this week just updating you on what the Lord is doing this month, and what we’re doing next month in Bulgaria!!
I apologize my slack on blogs these days! Especially in Europe! It’s been really difficult for me to keep up with it! But I’m trying to get back in the swing of it!
Love you all so much!
-Leah
